The Sauk Centre Herald (Sauk Centre, Minnesota), 1867-07-04

              VOLtTME I.
SAUK CENTRE, MINNESOTA, THURSDAY, JULY 4, 186T.
NUMBER
o.
Published every Thursday morning,
A.t   Sauk Centre,   Minn.,
BY J. H. SIMONTON.
H*- Office on Third street, one door east of
the." FarmerVand'Traveler's Home."
Subscription:
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Special place advertisements inserted at
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"Yearly advertisers to pay quarterly.
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JOB PRINTING
of all kinds executed on short notice in the
best style.
PROFESSIONAL CARDS.
m
H. MINER,
•Attorney and  Counselor at   Law,   Notary
Public and Conveyancer,
-Sauk Centre,        -        -        Minnesota.
'Office over the Post Office.
TP|E. B. R. PALMER,
PHYSICIAN & SURGEON.
*J- Residence near the Mill, Sauk Centre. "ffiS-
w
ILLIAM J. PARSONS,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
Saint Germaine street, over Burbank Bros.,
St. Cloud, Minnesota.
CHAS. WALKER,
Attorney at^Law.
R. P. EDSON,
Attorney at Law.and
.    Notary Public.
E<lsoii J&fc Walker,
REAL ESTATE AGENTS,
•Office over Philadelphia Store on Third street,
Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minnesota.
Business Property, Houses and LotB, Farms,
Farming Lands, etc., etc., bought and sold on
commission.
ATTENTION!
Ys eKFleoV to the-faot that our facilities fbr>ftu46
king out Pre-emption papers and for locating
and entering Government Land with Cash,
Scrip or Land Warrants, are unsurpassed by
8Hty-offiee"«?es* of St. Cloud. A large assort-
MMMrtxsf Town Plots for the use of seekers of
<&aii*s on hand-and kept constantly eorrect-
<*1 by correspondence "with the-Land Office.
We have in our hands for sale some of the
flnest Farms ana Farming Lands ia this
Hipper countiy.
BUSINESS   CARDS.
AND OFFICE
• AGENCY.
& REAL ESTATE
TX. I-I.  Minery
Lands Bold on commission. Farms composed of Prairie, Meadow and Timber Land
for sale.
ipersons desirHrg to enter Land, with Cash,
Scrip  or Land Warrants,  can  do  sojat
my office and avoid me time and
expense of a trip to St. CSloud.
. 'Office over  the  Post Office,  Sauk  Centre,
Minnesota.
ILLIARD SALOON,
A. DE GROAT, Proprietor.
Third street, Sauk. Centre, Minnesota.
Has first class Phelan & Collender Billard
Choice Wines, Liquors, Ale, Porter and Cigars.
{SALOON AND BAKERY.
O. M. RENNOE, Proprietor.
Main Street, Sauk Centre,   Minnesota.
Bread, Cakes, Pies, Ac, always on hand. Hot
• Coffee and Meals at all hours.   Good
Wines and Liquors and the best
brands of Cigars.
N.
H. MINER,
In.sixvati.ee Agent,
Bank Centre,        -        -        Minnesota,
itepresents the soundest -and most reliable
- Fire, Life and Accident Insurance Companies of the Eastern and  Western
States.   Office over the Post Office.
^UtT   J. WHITEFIELD,
House &; Sign IPainter,
Graining, Glazing, Paper Hanging, &c, done
,   with neatness and on reasonable terms.
Work Warranted equal, in quality to that
agreed upon or no charges made. «3= Paint
iBhop next door to Thomas & Go's.
Sauk Centre, Minn., June 5,1867.
TOHN GHRISTGAU,
Boot &, Shoe Maker1,
Main Street, Sauk Centre, Minn.,
A complete stock of Boots and Shoes kept
constantly on hand, »n<tmade toywsderon
short notice.   Good flts"warranted.
Repairing promptly done, at reasonable
prices.   All kinds of Shoemaker's Tools for
sale.
R
P. EDSON
Is Agent for sound and reliable
FIRE,   LIFE,    ACCIDENTAL   LIFE  AND
LIVE STOCK INSURANE COMPANIES.
He insures Live. Stock against Death .and
Theft, in the Hartford Live Stock Insurance.
Company—the soundest and only reliable
Live Stock Company on this continent. .,
E
DWARD DREBLQW,
Cabinet Maker.
RECOLLECTIONS.
Main street, Sank Centre, Minnesota. •
Keepteonstantly on .hand s, Complete stock
of Furniture, Coffins, &c.
All orders will receive prompt attention.
'Tis past—but yet I See it still,
That sunshine on the shore; •
■ The roses on the window sill;
The ivy round the door;
The light and shadow flitting round
Each old familiar tree,
Along the line of grassy ground
That slopes towards the sea;
And through the western window low    .
The Setting sunbeams pour,
And flit andTflicker to and fro •
Upon the matted floor.
•The -little porch—I see It yet-
Where summer flowers twine,
And all their fragrant blossoms net
With leaves of glossy vine.
And with their sweetness stealeth slow
A thought of hours gone by,
All lighted Wthi a golden glow
. Of sunset in the sky,
And memories of the pathway fair
That wound along the bay,
■iA<ad of one s-teeet hour wasted there
One blessed summer day-.
One little hour, along the shore,
As arm in arm we strayed,
And listened to the ceasless roar
The restless waters made,
And watched the shadows isi the deep,
The sunlight on the land,
And saw the tiny wavelets creep   .
'.   To kiss the golden sand;
Till all the glory seemed to die,
And daylight was no more.
And darkness crept along the sky,
And silence on the shore.
^fhafr rrour is past^-it came and fled
As all lifes beauties will;
The roses—they are long since dead
Upon the window sill;   .
The little porch is lying low,
The shore is far away,
And other eyes may watoh the glow
- And sunset in the bay;
And where the shining pathway gleariis,
And on the gelden sand,
Now other hearts may dream their dreams
And other feet may stand.
And softer sounds may come and go
Upon the-summer air;
And other lips may whisper low
The word we whispered there;
And other roses climb the wall,
And wreathe the self-same spot,
And blush at other vows let fall
Like those that we—forgot.;
But never shall an hour so bright
Return to her or me,
As that which left us when the light
Grew, dark upon the sea>
)X\$nXU\x%>
THE POWER OF KINDNESS.
Jack Sprout was a good husband and
indulgent .father," an honest manyiaii
accommodating neighbor, and he pos-.
isessed'many other excellencies..ef char,
acter which migtaj .'Jtave made him an
(excellent member of society had it not
•been .for certain loose h&bits whiah had
^marked his "course jfrom. childhood'.
<His istirents'. had "been careles&.aHad:
prone before him, his father had been®
rough customer, bo Jack had naturally
come in the same track. But" he was
good looking and kind hearted, genial
and social, and so had gained for a wife
^ne of the very best maidens of our
I town, as well as one of the handsomest.
Mastfer" Freddy Sprout, aged five
iyears, stood by his mother's side;-with
.a sad, tearful countenance, and his story was, that Solomon Gordon had
[whipped him with a stick, and the
boy's legs Still bore a few slight-tokens
jof the castigation. Freddy, with some
of his playmates, had been throwing
■stones at Mr. Gordon's dog and one of
Freddy's missiles had hit the animal
and caused him. to howl with pain. Of
course the stone thrown by such tiny
hands could not have inflicted much
injury upon the canine brute, but Solomon Gordon loved his dog, and when
he saw what had been done he caught
Master Fseddy and gave him a sound
thrashing; for be it known, Solomon
Gordon was just such another man as
Jack Sprout—warm hearted, generous
and neighborlyfhut rough, uneducated, strong;willed ahd impulsive.
Jack Sprout put on his hat and prepared to sally forth. His lips were pale
and tightly compressed, and the huge
muscles of his arms worked like bundles of rope.
" Dear Jack," pleaded his wife,
" don't go out now."
" Let me alone. Abby. No man
shall strike a child of mine without
having a chance to strike me. I shall
go and see Sol. Gordon, and I'll give
him such a licking as he won't forget
in a hurry."
" No, no, Jack—don't go. What
good will it do ? Wait until you are
more cool."
" Pshaw! Go away Abbey. There
is not power enough oh earth to save
Sol. Gordon from a drubbing, and I'll
give it to him before the ^ungSfis
down."
And as Jack Sprout looked at that
moment, he gave awfnl evidence that
he was physically able to make good
his word; a more magnificent structure of frame work and muscle was not
to be found in the town.
" Dear Jack," cried the wife, taking
her husband by the arm, " Oh, do listen to me one moment; Freddy is not
much hurt, and he ought not to have
thrown stones at Gordon's dog; You
know both Solomon and his wife set
ewrything by the little animal, and he
would not bark at the boys if they did
not plague him. If you go and find
Gordon as y<m are now, you will only
make matters worse. Oh, I wish you
would drop it.
JaGk 6nly shook his head, and smiled
one of those smiles which are terrible
on the face of an angry man.
" Oh, Jack, if you would only try the
effect of kindness upon Solomon. He
"is^a good man at heart"—>
Jack interrupted his wife with a derisive sneer.
" Don't laugh at me, Jack. I'll tell
you it would be better to do so than to
resort to blows. If you were attacked
I should not blame you for trying to
protect yourself; but this is not• the
case   that  calls  for   your strength  of
mucles.   There is a higher and a nobler strength that you can use now."
" Oh, ho! " uttered Jack, " you are
preaching. You are giving me some
of your Sunday school. lessons. You
may experience religion as much as
y'tsh pleaSe> but you musri't preach the
stuff to me»"
" Jack," spoke the wife, with stern
solemnity, " have I been worse since I
have began to have an interest in religious things ? "
" No, Abby—you were always good."
" Then why 'Will you not listen to
me ? If you will stay with me now—if
you will wait until your anger is cooled—and then go and speak kindly to
Solomon Gordon, I give you my solemn
pledge-that yoii "will feel a thousand
times better than you will if'you "—
But Jack would not hear his wife
out. He had said that fete would thrash
Solomon Gordon, and he would keep
his word. His temper was ^at the boiling point, and he was fairly aching to
get his; fingers -on the: man who had
dared to strike his boy; for Freddy
was his pet, and every blow that had
been laid upon the child's body had
made a mark of fire upon hig own
heart. So he put his wife away from
him and hurried from the house, slamming.the door after him.
Away went Jack Sprout with rapid,
heavy strides ; and had Solomon Gordon fallen in his way just then he
would have most assuredly been severely beaten, for though 8olomon was
a stout, bold man, Jack was a very
Hercules.
But Jack was destined to get pretty
thoroughly cooled off before he met the
object of his wrath. As he approached
the river just berowthe falls, he heard
loud crie» of alarm, and upon hurrying
forward he found that a boy had fallen
from one of the projecting timbers into
the water. He looked over the railing
and saw the little fellow just coming to.
the surface of the foaming, boiling
flood—a curly headed boy just about
the age of Mrs own daarling - Freddy—
stretching forth his -tiny .-hands in an
agony of despair. It was a terrible
place, that seething) roaring pool.
where*the waters of the great river
came pouring down from over the
dam ; but Jack did not hesitate. He
forgot his enemy^—forgot everything
but the danger of tbe little one—and
only stopping to kick off his boots,'and
throw aside his coat, he leaped down
into the angry flood. -He caught the
boy in his arms,, and'.-then struck for
the sSore. It -was' a mighty*- conflict,
but tK&stfo'ng.matfi perseyeredr More
than once those who had gathered up-
ian the rocks and upon the shore ted
•reason to fear that neither the man nor
the boy could cojne forth alive; bnj&
Jack held his Qw*f against ;the:mad torrent, and &vaHy reached the shore
where many hands were ready to help
him. As for himself, a few minutes'
action assured him that he was able to
walk, and he sustained no injury safe
a few trifling bruises. And as for the
boy, he had come forth in safety, for
Jack had held him high above the water during all the time of his struggle-.
And when Jack Sprout had regained
his breath and .was able to speak, he
looked to see the boy that he had
saved, and he saw that it was Andy
Gordon, a bright-eyed, curly-headed,
fair-faced boy, not a year older than
was his son Freddy.
"Where's papa?" asked the drip-
Iping «hdld.
" He is coming," answered some one
in the crowd.
Jack looked up and saw Solohioir
Gordon coming—Solomon, pale and
terror-stricken—and with all possible
haste he seized his coat and boots and
hurried away. He could not meet Solomon Gordon then.
" Mercy ! what is it, Jack ? "
Mrs. Sprout was alarmed. Her husband was dripping wet, his step was
tottering, his breathing, was labored,
and there was a livid mark on his forehead, as though he had received a
heavy blowi
" It is nothing, Abby."
"Has Solomon"—
" Pshaw! D'ye think Sol. Gordon
could have done this? f have been in
the river. A little boy had fallen from
the bridge right into the flood beneath
the falls. I jumped in and brought
him out."
"Alive?"
" Yes, alive and unhurt."
" Oh, thank God ! Whose child was
it, Jack? "
"Don't stop to ask {m^ii0118 nowi
Abby, but make me a cup of hot, strong
iaa, while I put oh some dry clothes.
My soul! I think I had a narrow dodge
of it 1 "
Jack put on dry garments, and when
he had rested awhile he drank his tea,
and in the course of an hour all traces
oi exhaustion had passed away.
" I tell you, Abby, I have had a good
many tough jobs-in my day, but I never had one like that. A weaker man
than I could never have brought out
that child alive."
" Oh how grand it is, Jack, to use
one's strength in such a cause ? But
whose child was it ?   Do you know ?"
Before Jack could answer, the outer
door was unceremoniously opened, and
Solomon Gordon entered the apartment. . .Ahby shrank back in alarm
when she saw how pale and excited the
man was, ahd' how he trembled, for she
■dKlnot notice the -moist brimming
light that shone in his swollen eyes;
" Jack ! " said the new comer, in a
gasping manner, at the same time holding out both his hands. He choked
and stammered, but presently gained
strength to add : " Oh, my God I what
can 1 say? Jack! Jack I " Here the
stout man broke fairly down, and burst
into tears,   .
Jack, almost as much affected as was
|as visitor, arose and took the extended hand.
" Never mind' Sol. It's all right."""
"No, no I" cried Gordon. It isn't
all right; it never can be right. Oh,
What can I do ?   Jack, if I could only
f^p back to where I was .this morning !
ly God ! I beat your child for a trifling
thing, and you saved: mine from a terrible death; saved him almost at the
expense of your own life. Kill me if
you will. Beat me, do anything you
like, but onlv forgive me, so that
this saying act of yours shan't be always like a heap of coals upon my
head!"
And then with sudden impulse, under the influence of such an emotion as
he had never before experienced, Jack
Sprout said:
'■ Solomon^I tell you it's all right.
You have np more reason to thank
God that I saved your child than I
have. When I went from my house I
was full of wrathvand madness, and
'curses were upon my lips and in my
ifeWfc. I should have sought such revenge as the wild beast seeksi Is it
not better that I found your little Andy
in the flood 1 And is it not better that
my great strength was used in ■ saving
his life? I forgive you from the bottom of my heart. And now I say it's
all right."
And so was cemented a friendship
holy and lasting.
Seemingly slight perturbations in the
current of a man's life sometime* work
marvelous changes for good or ill.
" Abby," said Jack Sprout--r.it was
late in the evening, and they had been
sitting for some time without speaking—P I believe I am converted."
"Jack! "
" Yes, Abby, I am converted. Baul
of Tarsus, that you read to Freddy
about last'Sunday, was not more suddenly brought to light than I have
been. Really and truly there is more
virtue in kindness than in enmity; it
blesses everything and everybody. He
who bestows it is as much blessed as he
who receives it."
And then the wife, with her arm
placed around her husband's neck,
gently, kindly said : -
Dear Jack, wouldn't We both be happier if we would iky to live by the
blessed. *ules laid-down by our- Savior ?
Oh, I know that they were given by one
who sought our -highest good, and we
should find much joy ih trying to square
our. lives by the golden rule."
V My darlinfr, we will taty."
Great   Agricultural   Uo-is-trot   at  BU-
lingg-ville.
I JOSH'BILLINGS, REPORTER.
Agricultur is the mother ov provisions ; she is also the grandmother.
If it wa'nt for agricultur, thar wouldn't be enny beans, and if it wasn't for
enny beans, there wouldn't be enny
suckertash.  -
Agricultur wuz first discovered by
Cain, and has since been discovered to
be an honest'way to get a very hard living.
Pumpkins owes all her success tew
agricultur, and so does lettuce and
buckwheatv
The Billingsville Agricultural society
opened October 10, and waz a powerfUll
success.
The receipts ov'the Agricultural Fair
wuz Upwards of $30,000 (if mi memory
serves me rite-, and i think she duz.)
The Hon. Virgil Bickerttoff, the next
agricultural member of Congress from
our district, sold the agricultural poles.
FUST  DAY.
A puss ov ten dollars wuz trotted for
by sucking coifs, that had never trotted before for money.
There wus thirteen entrys.
Thar wus 60,000 people on the track
to witness this race (if mi memory
serves me rite, and I think she duz.)
The puss wuz wun amid vociferous
exclamations, by a red cold, and the
wavin of handkerchiefs, with a red
stripe in his face, and the fainting of
several fust class females, and one
white foot behind.
" SEKUND   DAT;
It rained like a purpendiculat all
day, and no trotting could be had)
so the audience all went hum ciissin
and swearettj and offerin ta het four to
six on the Pete Tucker eolt.
THIRD DAT.
The sun lusted up in the east more
beautifuller than i ever saw her before
(if mi memory serves me rite, and i
think she duz;)
It Was a fustrate day for agricultur,
or any other man.
A puss of $ SO waz trotted for, by sum
2 year old colts.
This race did not attract much attention, on account of the time bein so
slow. Time, 2 minrts and thirty-eight
seckonds.
FOURTH DAT.
This wuz for 3 or 4 years old, who
hadn't never beat 2:25.
Thar was 26 entrys; they couldn't
awl trot to once, so they took turns.
This race was won after a bitter contest by Pete Tucker's colt.
He was immediately offered a thousand dollars and a fustrate farm which
was well stocked, for the colt, by three
different agricultural men'; with afgreat
deal ov indignant good sense he scornd
to stoop so low.
Pete and his whole family are awl
hoss;
FIFTH DAY.
It rained again harder than ever, and
the day waa spent in betting oh the
weight ov horses.
Thar was several good hoss-swops also made.
One mari swopped two hosses for one;
this.struck me as a bully good thing,t
but everybody else said it waz soft.
At the end. of the fifth day i come
Uway.
I got so full of hoss that ever since
when ilatigh i cant keep from whinner*
ing.
The fare Was continued for 10 days,
and some ted hot time was made.
. Two minits and 10 seconds was the
fastest time made, (if my memory servs
me rite, and i think she duz.)
I forgot to say that there was tew
span ov oxens on the ground, besides
several spans of sheep, and a pile ov
carrots, and' some worsted work, but
they, didn't seem to attract enny sympathy.
The people hanker for pure agricul
tural hoss trots.
A Little Boy's Rebuke.
There was once a very old man who
lived in the house of his son. The old
man was deaf; his eyes were dim, and
his legs weak and thin, "When he was
at the table he could hardly hold his
spoon, so much did his hand shake ;
and at times he would spill his soup on
the cloth.
All this vexed his son and the son's
wife; and they made the old man sit
in a corner behind the stove. There
he ate his food from an earthen-ware
dish; and he had not always too much
to eat as you may guess.
One day his trembling hands,could not
hold the dish, and it fell on the floor
and broke. At this his son and his
son's wife were so vexed that they
spoke harshly to the old man. His only answer Was a deep, sad sigh. They
then brought him a bowl made of wood,
out of which he had to take his food.
Not long after this," his~-little grandson, a boy of about four years of age,-
was seen at work with a chisel and
hammer, hollowing out a log of wood.
His parents could not -guess what he
was trying to do. The little boy said
nothing to any one„but kept at work
on the log, and looked grave, as if he
had some great work in hand.
" What are you doing there?" asked
his father. The little boy did not want
to tell. Then his mother asked',—
"What are you doing, my son? "
"Oh I'.' said he, "I am only hiakiiig
a little trough, such as our pigs eat out
of. "
" But what are you making it for, my.
son?"."
" I am making it," said he, '• for yon-
and father to eat out of when I am a
man."
The parents looked at each other and
burst into tears.
- From that time forth they treated
the old 'man well. He had the best
place at the" table, a nice dish, and
plenty of food.
Title For Sale.—A Lecture Incident.
The editor of the New York Independent, Theodore Tilton, advertises a
"reverend" for sale—he can't give a
clear title to the property—-as follows :
For Sale.—The editor of this Journal wishes to dispose of a title of Reverend which teaihe accidentally into his
possession a few months ago, while
traveling through the West. Being a
layman, having therefore no use for-it,
and fearing the consequences of retaining it till the season of college commences, he will now part with it on liberal terms. None but Orthodox Con-
gregationalists need apply.
When Mr. Tilton lectured here a
couple of years ago, before the Young
Men's Association, he was introduced
as "Reverend Theodore .Tilbm-" He
turned the mistake over to the gentleman who introduced him, as follows:
"Ladies and gentlemen, the gentleman who has been announced for the
lecture ^his evening is not here tonight.
I think you iwill never have the pleasure of listening to him—he never gets
go far West. On one occasion a good
lady had Charles Lamb for a^guest at
dinner, with several other literary characters. His white neck tie and serious
countenance caused his hostess to imagine . that he was a very devout man.
So whgn the guests were seated at the
table^ she says:.
' Mr. iajthh, wOl you Say grace?''
Lamb trembled, and looked around,
at the guests.
' Is there no c-c-c-clergyman pres--
ent?' he asked. •
j None, I believe,' replied the lady.
' L-1-l-let us thank God, then;' was
the meek response^ as Lamb bowed reverently over his plate."
The audience did not allow Mr. Tilton to proceed for several minutes.—
Dubuque Times.
When Watt sat ih the chimney corner, observing the water force up the lid
of the tea-kettle, he aroused the anger
of his relations-, but he was discovering
the steam engine. The uncle of Pliny
reproved him for traveling afoot, which-
he called losing time. Hqw much truer was the eOhfessiori of Warburton to
his friend, "It would have be«n the
greatest pleasure to have dropped upon
you at N .    I  could  have  led you
through delicious paths, and picked off
for your amusement in our rambles a
thousand notions, which hung upon
every thorn, as I 'passed thirty years
ago." They whom the world oalls idle
often do the most. In villages and by-
lanes a few eyes are always learning.
A garden, a wood, even a pool of water,
often encloses a whole library of knowl1
edge^ Waiting to -be reaped—precious
types which nature, in her great print-:
ing-pressj never breaxs up. And surfe*
ly he is happy who is thus taught; for
no man can afford to be really uhem:
ployed. The tree, it has been said,
may lose its verdure ; the sun need not
count its rays:   because the  sap""will
striK.e out new foliage, an'd another
night refills the treasury of day. But
the thin King faculty must not waste,—1
The most saving and thrifty Use of it
Will xmly maiOa it sufficient -lor our abL
solute necessities.
MISELLASEOilS   ITEMS.
—Edmund About says "there are
two things In this world Which a man does
not often find away from home; th e first is
good soup; the second is disinterested love."
—A prominent restaurant man at
New York has actually reduced the price of
some of his articles of food. The rest of the
craft naturally regard him as crazy.
—That was a beautiful idea in the
mind "of the little girl who, on beholding a
rosebush, on the topmost stem of which the
oldest rose was fading, whilst below and
around it three beautiful crimson buds were
just unfolding their charms at once, earnestly exclaimed to her brother: " See, "William,
those little buds have just awaSened in time
to kiss their mother before she dies.-"; •
—In Baltimore a man was fined twenty dollars for cracking and eating peanuts ih
ft church, during divine Service.   -
—-Although the town of jTou Bet m
California lias voted to keep Sunday herealr
ter, Yuba Dam declines to follow suit.
—A good anecdote is told of a house
painter's son, who used the brush dexterous^
ly, but had acquired the habit of putting it
on too thick. One day his father, after hav?
ihg frequently scolded him for lavish daubing, end all to no purpose, gave him a severe
flagellation? "There, yon young rascal,"
after performing the painful "duty, "how do
like that? " " Well, -I don't know," whined
the boy, " but it seems to me that you put it
on a thundering sight thicker than I did." -
—A western' editor has pla'etl over
his marriages a cut representing a large trap
sprung* with this motto: " The trap down—
another ninny caught!"
—Why is wet weather more pleasant
than dry 1  Because it Is more in door-able:
—Persons familiar with the navigation of the Chippewa river know that the
boats running there are of very diminutive
size. Some of them carry a bag of shot for
balls" st; others have rules that passengers
, shall not shift their quids of tobacco from one
side of the mouth to the other- without giving notice to the officers. We learn that another passenger packet has just comeon, and
that she refuses fb curry all passengers who
do do not part their hhir in the middle:
What next?
—A Buffalo man whipped his wife
nearly to death because she ate an orange
that another man gave her.
—A boy in Buffalo reached a fatal
" pint" . in his career last week when he
drank a pint of rum. !
•—" Drowning meh batch at straws,"
so do many other men—When there is a sherry cobbler at one end of them.
( —A considerate individual in Detroit-
who labors under the impression that his
days are about numbered, and that he Will
wake np some fine morning and find that he
had departed this life during the night;
bought himself a coffin some years ago, and
has regularly'slept in it every night since:
—A nice young man in St. Louis vis:
ited his lady-love, stayed too long, and was
captured by a burglar, who in turn was cap-  -
turedby a policeman, and soon after the J
young man was also arrested atari put info"
the station-house.  Explanations followed.
—Lorenzo B. Sheppasd, a youthful
forger from Albany, N. Y., has- terminates a
brief but brilliant career by falling into the
ands of the Sheriff, at Philadelphia. A
glance at his diary exhibits 'details bfa Wesfc
em trip, commenced May 3th, hh'd -shows
that he had realized some 32,300 in that time:
—A boarding house at Mehonoy
Plains; Pa., which was built over a mine, recently sunk into the earth to a depth of seventy feet or more, by the caving Ih of the
roof of the mine below. The occupants
of the house saw theback of the building -
sinking, and escaped. The cavity in the
earth is thirty orforty yards in diameter.
—" When I 'goes a ahoppih';" said ah
old lady'," " I a Hers asks 'for what I wants, and
if they have it, and It's suitable, and I feel inclined to buy it, and it's cheap"; and can't be
got for less, I most alters takes it without,
chappering about it all day, as some people
do."
—A clergyman gave a- toast thai was
not" very gallant at a firemen's celebration:
" Owr Are engines—May • they be Hke old
maids, ever ready, but never wanted!"
—" I come to steal," as the rat ob*
served to the trap. " And I spring to embrace you," as the trap replied to the rat.
—A chap,  who was  told by a tract
peddler to " remember Lot's wife," replied
that he had been in trouble enough abou£ _
other inch's Wives'.
. ^—Snooks says the words " No Cards *
are affixed .to marriage notices, because thi
parties played all their cards before marriag<
This is a new theory, and will begeherallj
accepted:
—Why don't you get married?" saic
a young lady the other day to a bacheloj
friend. " I have been trying for the last tei
years to find some one who would be foollsr
enough to have me,'' was the reply. '• I gues
you haven't been up our way," was the insinuating rejoinder;
—Rev.   Bobert   Hall,   in   early life,
loved a most beautiful  and accomplishes '
lady by the name of Steele, who, however
jilted him, and tnarried a man of fortune
Some years after, a lady passing into Ht
vale of years,. but who retained her vanit
after shehad lost her charms, said to Hall, "
presume if   1 was   a  polished   piece   t
steel, I might receive some of your attentto*
sir."   "Though you are not polished steeV
replied Hall, •' there can be no doubt*hat fm
are polished brass."
—The importance of a single vote ha'
often been demonstrated. Now >ve have:";,
again. A single vote elected" a ^ governor of
Louisiana—Sheridan's.