The Sauk Centre Herald (Sauk Centre, Minnesota), 1867-08-15

              VOLUME I.
SAUK CENTRE, MINNESOTA, THURSDAY, AUGUST 15, 1867.
NUMBER 11.
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PUBLISHED   EVERY   THURSDAY   MORNING,
A.T   Sauk Centre,   Minn.,
BY J. H. & S. SIMONTON.
*®- Office corner Third and Seventh streets,
one block west of the Sauk Centre House.
Subscription ■
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Legal advertisements 75 cents per Square for
the first insertion, and 37J4 cents per square
for each subsequent insertion.
Special place advertisements Inserted at
rates agreed upon.
Yearly advertisers to pay quarterly.
Strangers must pay in advance, or give sat-
lsfactory reference.
JOB PRINTING
of all kinds executed on short, notice In the
"best style;
PROFESSIONAL CARDS.
*,Mti%.
How tne Raven Became Black.
A LESSOM TO TALE-BEAKERS.
JT. H. MINER. H. WRBN.
Miner Sc Wren,
Attorneys and -Counselors at Law, Notaries
. Public and Conveyancers,
Special attention  given to proceedings In
Bankruptcy In the United States Courts.
Sauk Centre,        -        -        Minnesota.
Office over-the Post Office. Ni>£'h"
T)R. B. R. PALMER,
PHYSICIAN <& SURGEON.
*S* Residence near the Mill, Sauk Centre. *©»
T|/|7-iLLIAM J. PARSONS,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
Saint Germalne stireet, over Burbank Bros.,
St. Cloud, Minnesota.
CHAS. WALKER,
Attorney at Law.
R. P. EDSON,
.Attorney at Law and
Notary Public
£dson& Walker,
REAL ESTATE AGENTS,
Office over Philadelphia Store on Third street,
Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minnesota.
Business Property, Houses and Lots, Farms,
JFarmimg Lands, etc., etc., bought and sold on
•eoiiujsissiiMi.
ATTENTION!
Ia failed to the fact that our facilities for masking out Pre-emption papers and for locating
and entering Government Land with Cash,
Scrip or Land Warrants, are unsurpassed by
®hy office west of St. •Cfood. A lasge assortment of Town Plots for the "use of seeker* Of
■Claims on hand and kept constantly corrected by correspondence with the Land Office.
We Stawe ia our hands $»r .sale some of the
Sflnegt Farms .aaad Faswtimg Lands in this
Ttrpqwn" country. '
n^^r—ffiir*"tpt™——        " "M.^y^rfint'ii Pes
BUSINESS   CARDS.
JLa
AND OFFICE
AGENCY. •
&  REAL. ESTATE
N. H.  Miner,
"Lands sold on commission. Farms composed of Prairie, Meadow and Timber Land
for sale.
Persons desiring to ^nter.Land, with Cash,
Scrip  or  Land Warrants, or to file Pre*"
Eruption claims, can do so atmy office
and avoid the time and expense of
a trip to St. Cloud.
Office over  the  Post Offico,  Sauk  Centre,
Minnesota.
R
P. EDSON
Is Agent for sound and reliable
FIRE,   LIFE,    ACCIDENTAL   LIFE  AND
LIVE STOCK INSTJRANE COMPANIES.
He insures Live  Stock  against  Death and
Theft, in the Hartford Live Stock Insurance
•Company—the- soundest and  only  reliable
Live Stock Company on this continent.
N.
H. MINER,
Insurance .A.g'ewt,
Sauk Centre,        -        -        Minnesota.
Represents the soundest and most reliable
Fire, Life and Accident Insurance Companies of the Eastern and Western
States.   Office over the Post Office.
E1DWARD DREBLOW,
Cabinet Malcer,
Main street, Sauk Centre, Minnesota.
Keeps constantly on hand a complete stock
of Furniture, Coffins, &c.
All orders will receive prompt attention.
B
ILLIARD SALOON,  .
A. DE GROAT, Proprietor.
Third street, Sauk Centre, Minnesota.
Has first class Phelan & Collender Blllard
Tables.
Choice Wines, Liquors* Ale, Porter and Cigars.
OALOON AND BAKERY.
O. M. RENNOE, Proprietor.
Main Street, Sauk Centre,   Minnesota.
Bread, Cakes, Pies, Ac, always on hand. Hot
Coffee and.Meals at all hours.   Good
Wines and Liquors and the best
brands of Cigars.
T*7"   J. WHITEFIELD,
House &; Sign Painter,
Graining, Glazing, Paper Hanging, Ac, done
with neatness'and on reasonable terms.
Work warranted  equal In quality to that
agreed upon or no'charges made,   «5- Paint
Shop next door to Thomas & Co's.
Sauk Centre,, Minn., June 5,1887.
There's a clever classic story,
Such as poets used to write.
(You may find the tale in Ovid).
That the Raven once was white.
White as yonder sM?wi a-Baillng
This moment on the moat,
Till the bird, for misbehavior,
Lost, one day, his*Sirowy coat.
" Raven-white " was once the saying,
Till an accident, alack!
Spoiled Its meaning, and thereafter,
It was changed to " Raven-black."
Shall I tell you how ifhappened
That the change was brought abottM1-
Llst the story of Coronls,
And you'll find the secret out,
Young Coronis, fairest maiden
Of Thessalia's girlish train,
Whom Apollo loved and courted,
Loved and courted not in vain.
Flirted with another lover,
(So at least the story goes)
And was wont to meet nim Slyly
Underneath the blushing rose.
WhereUpoh the bird of Phoebus,
Who their meetings chanced to view,
Went in haste unto his master;
. Went and told him all he knew.
Told him how his dear Coronls,
False and faithless as could be,
Plainly loved another fellow—
If he doubted, come and see!
Whereupon Apollo, angry
Thus to find himself betrayed,
With his silver bow and arrow
Went and shot the wretched maid.
Now when he perceived her dying,    '
He was stricken to the heart;
And to stop her mortal bleeding,
Tried his famous healing art!
But In vain; the god of physic
Had no antidote; alack!
He who took her off so deftly
Couldn't bring the maiden back.
Angry with himself, Apollo,
Yet more angry with nis bird,
For a moment stood in silence-
Impotent to speak a word.
Then he turned upon the Raven,
" Wanton babbler! see thy fate,
Messenger of time no longer,
"So 'to Hades with thy prate.
*' Weary Pluto with thy tattle!
Hither, monster, come not back;
And—to match thy disposition—
Henceforth be thy plumage black!"
&0SCAL.
When your© tempted to make mischief,
It is wisest to refuse:
People are not apt to fancy
Bearers of unwelcome news.
ANOTHER MORAL.
Something of the pitch you handle ,
On your fingers will remain;
As the Raven's tale of darkness
Gave the bird a lasting stain.
JOHN G. SAXE.
jltottamj.
A Husband at Home,
AN INSIDE VIEW OP MATRIMONY.
TOHN CHRISTGAU,
Soot Sc Shoe Maker,
Main Street, Sauk Centre, Minn.,
A complete stoek of Boots and Shoes' kept
constantly on hand, and made to order on
short notice.   Good fits warranted.
Repairing promptly done, at reasonable
prices.   All kinds of Shoemaker's Tools for
sale,.
Mrs. "Patsy Spangle," a charming correspondent . of the Louisville Courier,
addresses the following to Mr. "Yub a
dam:"
I see that my dear old booby of a
husband has been pouring out his complaint to you. When I first read the
letter I was vexed, and I know that
others will think it a very singular proceeding on his part to say the least.
But knowing him as I do; I could not
get seriously put out at anything the
blundering fellow might do. So I concluded to laugh it off, and to get even
with him by unvailing a few of his peculiarities, or rather the peculiarities
of his sex, for I believe the men are all
alike.- I am induced to write a short
synopsis of our married life for the
benefit of young ladies, more then for
any feeling of spite or revenge. Still I
would not be understood as trying to
discourage young ladies, or to deter
them from marrying, but a few hints
and facts may save them much disappointment, and perhaps a few heartaches after marriage.
SPANGLE AS A LOVER.
I first met Spangle at a county fair
in the Blue Grass region. We were introduced to each other about ten
o'clock in the morning, and, if you will
believe me, I did not get a chance to
speak to any other gentleman that day.
I never saw a fellow so struck at first
sight. I don't think he saw a horse, or
in fact anything that was on exhibition
ihat day but me, although there were
present many pf the most beautiful and
accomplished young ladies of that section of country. As he was extremely
good looking, of good family, and of
unexceptionable habits and character,
I, of course, felt flattered by his very
marked preference. I had to take him
to dinner and introduce him to pa and
ma and the whole family. He made a
very good impression, In fact Spangle
can shine when he tries. I remember
the fact wijb. pride. Well, it is the old
story. He became' infatuated, and obtained my permission to visit me at my
home and spend a day there in just
two weeks from the day we met. During those two" weeks I received daily
long letters from Simon, closely written
and cross written. (I wish I had kept
them.) At length the day- of his visit
arrived, and lo ! and behold, the servant maid awoke me in the morning
with the pleasant information that
Spangle was waiting for me in the parlor.   Here was a loyer for you!
MARRIAGE AND HONEYMOONS.
Well, well I As I said before, it was
the old story ever recurring, ever sweetly told, and ever listened to by willing
ears. Suffice it to say that from that
.day I saw no peace until I became Mrs.
Spangle. Our honeymoon was, I suppose, like all honeymoons, short and
delicious.
THE REALITIES OF   LIFE.
And then came the realities of life.
It is my belief, Mr. Dam, that this is
the most trying period of a woman's
life. However kind and attentive her
husband may be, a young wife when
she enters upon the actualities of life
has disclosed to her a state of fact's of
which she had little or no conception
before marriage. When she leaves an
' atmosphere of romance and adulation
and enters upon the realities of life; it
is like stepping out of a garden of sum-,
mer flowers into the regions of perpetual winter, and unless she brings all
her good sense and philosophy to her
aid, her affections will become chilled,
and she will regard herself a disappointed, if not a deceived woman for
the balance of her life. .It is the hope
that our experiece may be of benefit to
young wives, that induces me to reveal
some of the domestic incidents and infelicities of twelve years of married life.
After our brief holiday, Spangle—to
use his own expression—took a tilt at
the' world, determined to wrest from, it
not only a competence but a fortune,
that would place me in the most
beatific attitude to be attained by opulence.
The dear fellow did work hard, and
if he met with obstacles, and difficulties, and trials, the world never knew it.
He reserved his heart-aches and sorrows for his fireside, and, although he
did not accuse me as the cause, yet he
recounted them in a tone and manner
so different from the joyous and buoyant language of courtship, that I could
but feel that I was in some way or other accountable for his troubles. Although I never seriously doubted his
love for me, yet he certaihly permitted
many excellent opportunities for manifesting it to pass unimproved. Before
we were married he seemed to have a
perfect mania for holding my hand,
and I used to wonder if he would ever
give me an opportunity to do any needle work after marriage. But, bless
your soul, after marriage, when facilities for indulging. in that delightful
pastime were abundant, it seemed to
have lost its charm. Poor foolish me.
I was often grieved at his apparent
coolness, and would ask him twenty
times a day if he did - not love me.
" Why certainly I do, my dear little
puss; I thought you knew it." Yes,
he thought I knew it! Perhaps I did.
I also knew that we had plenty of flour
and bacon in the pantry, but that
knowledge did not satisfy my hunger.
THE HONEYMOON IN A PARTIAL ECLIPSE.
It is true that this affection manifested itself—sporadically-—with all the
warmth and ardor of the old days ; but
these ebulitions were the exceptions. ■
The rule was: "I thought you knew
it." Yes, girls, when you get husbands
they will expect you to know it, and my
advice to you is that you get all the
courting you want before you. are married, for after that event, what little
courting is done in the family will have
to be done by the wife.
SPANGLE AS A FATHER.
We have six children, all beautiful
and good. Spangle takes great pride
in them, loves them and growls at them
like a dear old bear. In his letter he
seems to complain that I lay them all
to his account, and that each new comer is set down as a sin to be atoned for
by him—as a debt to be charged upon
his estate. Nonsense! He likes to
hear- himself talk. I don't think it
would be a safe or pleasant proceeding
for any other man to assume a part of
this responsibility in Spangle's presence. O, you must not think that
Spangle regards what he calls the "new
comers" as burdens. Quite the reverse.
He goes into ecstacies over each one ;
dilates upon its beauties and perfections
for five minutes,, and then seems to,
think it ought to be laid away to grow
up, and be no further trouble to him
until they want to marry. If one of
them has the belly ache and cries at
night, Spangle thinks that the pain is
a special hardship to him, beoause it
keeps him awake a few minutes. The
fact is undeniable that the best men
are selfish brutes so far as babies are
concerned. I might, if I would imitate Spangle, go into a history of my
private struggles, how that for eleven
years I have not been without a " teething " baby in the house. I could repeat my oft repeated conflicts with
croup, whooping cough, measles, and a
thousand other ills incident to poor,
suffering childhood, but I forbear.
SPANGLE AT HOME.
I will say, though, that of all the
children I have, Spangle is the biggest
baby. 'Tis true he had been through
most of the ailments I have enumerated before I got him, but in a thousand other respects he Btill is, and always will remain, in that chronic state
of babyhood which ever attends overindulged and spoiled husbandsi When
we were first married my old baby
would almost break his back to pick
up my fan, and he would kill a fly in a
minute if the fly manifested a disposition to alight on my nose.
Now I have to almost literally dress
him in the morning. I have to get his
boots together, one of which he gener--
ly kicks under the bureau, the other
under the bed. I always have to find
his cravat. If I go to bed first, in the
morning I find his clothes scattered
over the room as only a man can scatter olothes. He would never put on a
clean shirt if it were not spread out on
a chair before him. His sleeve buttons
are taken out and put in by me, when
taken out and put in at all. I do not
believe he has combed his own head
since we were married. He can't even
wash his face properly without being
told like any other child. If I did not
watch him, his ears and the back Of his
neck would be a sight to behold.
SPANGLE ON A SICK BED.
Albeib-he has no patience for others
who have pains and aches, yet you
ought to see him when anything is the
matter with him. He roars and groans
and squirms and grunts over a slight
attack of cholic in a manner to keep
every one awake in the house. At such
times he always believes he is going- to
die, and will not suffer me to leave him
for a moment.
This is the man who talk\loyou
about the bonds of " perdurable tough-
nsss," and the " hooks of steel," Which
binds fathers of families, etc., ete. Yet
with all his faults I—well, you know
the quotation. I believe he ia the best
man living, and I would not give him
for a ten acre lot full of men like the
scapegrace of a husband which your
foolish, credulous correspondent " Dolly Dash " is so silly-about. " Billiards"
and " breast complaints " indeed I -Poor
Dolly.   Well:
" Where Ignorance is bliss,
'Tis folly to be wise."
Now, Mr. Dam, I have spoken my
mind, though not fully, on this subject.
If, after reading my side of the question, you feel like taking Spangle's ad-
■vice, and desire to " wield your influence more in the interest of husbands."
etc., your suggestions will be duly
weighed and considered by
PATSY SPANGLE.
LouisvUle, Ky., July 18,18OT.
The
Subterranean  Flow   of tne Mississippi.
A correspondent of the Nashville
Union and Dispatch having suggested
that Memphis was liable at any moment
to "fall in" to a watery abyss beneath
it, caused by the subterranean flow of
the Mississippi, the Bulletin adds the
following :
The river shore in the navy yard has
rapidly disappeared. There steamers
rarey land. In front of the city proper
there are always from ten to twenty
steamers. By these the earth at the
water's edge is pro tected, and the force
of the surface current is broken. Hence
it happens that the earth at the water's edge, and for ten or twenty feet
below, remains unbroken. The. great
body of the mighty tide of waters, forty
and fifty feet below, rushes onward in
its unresisted course, rending away the
earth. How far the stream passes beneath the city, there is, of course, no
means of ascertaining- The explosion
of torpedoes forty or fifty feet below
the river's surface, shook every building
west of the bayou. Beyond the bayou,
the shock was unheeded, unfelt.
Many years ago a saw mill was at
work in the swamps of Arkansas, twenty miles from the Mississippi. The
owner awoke one bright morning to
find his well dry, in which the day before there was water three or four feet
deep. . He cut a trench to a broad
long surface pond, not far away, and was
again supplied with an abundance of
water. This trench connected the
pond and well. Three days elapsed,
and the pond and well both were empty. The old man of the mill was
amazed. The story was told to a traveler from Memphis. "It's plain
enough," he said "the river is lower
than for years past, and your well and
pond have emptied themselves into the
great sewer, of the Continent." The
Mississippi not only overflows but um- .
derfiows all the broad valley through
which it passes. Its channel, however
broad and deep, could not contain all
the rains that fall and streams that
come down from the mountains, Terri*
tories and States of America.
At fort Pillow and Randolph every
evidence of war has disappeared, swallowed up by the great river. Earthworks at Randolph, built in 1861, 300
yards from the shore, have gone to the
Balize. At both these places the river
current, as here at Memphis, strikes
the shore at almost right -angles. A city
paper tells us how a planter, within the
week, deposited $5,000 worth of supplies upon the river bank somewhere
in Arkansas. He had not gone half a
mile when the country behind him disappeared with all his stores.
Reelfoot Lake is fathomless. It is
not far from the river. The night before the earthquake of 1812, lofty trees
stood where deep, silent, still waters
have repose. Cypress trees two hundred feet high went down. Their lofty
branches do not reach the surface of
the wonderful lake. Years before the
great river had undermined the country, the land went down and water
came up. Everywhere around New
Madrid we have indubitable evidence
that the mighty river finds its way far
beneath the earth's surfaoe. An earthquake's shock broke down the earthen
bridges that everywhere, along the river Bhores span .mighty streams and
deep subterranean lakes and are reservoirs to supply atmospheric moisture
and hold the superabundant waters of
this broad valley.
A Missourian informed a traveler
who had inquired about corn, that
"each stock had nine ears on jt, and
was fifteen feet high." "That's nothing to our corn," replied the traveler.
"Up in Illinois where I came from, we
always had nine ears to each stock, and
a peck of shelled corn hanging to each
tassel; but we never could raise any
field beans with it." "Why?" inquired
the other. "Because the corn grew so
J fast it always pulled the beans up."
AN UNFORTUNATE PLIGHT.
The Dubuque Herald relates the fol-'
lowing humorous sketch of the misfortunes of an Iowa clergyman:
"Thursday last, among   the goods
expressed from the West by the D. &
S. R. R., were a number of baskets of
hen fruit.   Two or three stations this
side of that at which they were placed
upon the car, an ex-minister of huge
proportions stepped   into the car to
speak   to   the   Messenger.   The eggs
were in the west end of the car, and
our clerical friend accidentally took
•his position in front ot them, with his
back   towards   the   eggs.   While the
twain were conversing, the train suddenly started forward,   The reverend
gentleman was taken unawares by the
unexpected jerk, and he lost his balance.   He found   it   in   the basket of
eggs just in his rear.   The result of
this ministerial onset—if we may so
term   it,   baffles   all description.     Of
course the contents of the basket came,
to  an unlucky end.   Ike Partington
onoe set a hen on fifty-two eggs, just to
see her spread herself.   Here was a
man not used to the business who had
set himself on fifty-two dozen, and successfully accomplished the same result,
but though backward in getting into
that undiernified position, he was by rio
means backward in getting out.   He
erected himself and examined himself.
Any member of bis church, if present,
would have recognized in hinv not on-
4y a faithful fellow-laborer, but an excellent yoke fellow.
For a moment ho- stood motionless
except that with spread and tremulous
fingers in an uncertain way he waved
his hands with the air of a man who
had been urged on to desperation. As
the precious • ointment .ran down
Aaron's beard, so the albuminous un-
gent ran the preacher's trousers legs,
spreading translucent liquidness upon
the floor about his feet. The express
messenger took the stove hearth arid
did what he could toward cleaning his
friend off—a novel way of scraping an
acquaintance.
The Sea the Largest or Cemeteries.
—The aea is the largest of cemeteries,
and its slumberers sleep without a monument. All grave-yards, in all other
lands, show some symbol of distinction
between the great and the small, the
rich and the poor; but in the ocean
cemetery the king and the clown, the
prince and the peasant, are all alike
undistinguished. The same wave rolls
over all—the samo requiem by the
minstrelsy of the ocean sung to their
honor. Over their remains the same
storm beats and the same sua shines;
and there, unmarked the weak and the
powerful, the plumed and unhonored
will sleep, until awakened by the same
trump, when the sea will give up its
dead. I" thought of Bailing over the
slumbering but devoted Cookman, who,
after a brief but brilliant career.perish-
ed in the President—over the laughter
loving Power went down in the same ill»
fated vessel we may have passed. In
that cemetery sleeps the accomplished
and pious Fisher; but wherahe and thousands of others of the noble spirits of
the earth lie, no one but Cod knoweth.
No marble rises to point out where
their ashes are gathered; or where the
lovers of the good or wise can go to
"shed the tear of sympathy. Who can
tell where lie the tens of thousands of
Africa's sons who perish in the "middle passage?" Yet that cemetry hath-
ornaments of Jehovah. Sever can rI
forget my days and nights as I passed
over the noblest of cemeteries without
a single monument.—Giles.
Cork Cocktail—A Strict1 ly Temperate Drink for Hot Weather. — A
healthy and invigorating drink for the
warm days of this and the coming
months is a thing devoutly to be Wished
for, and we are sure our readers will
thank us for the following receipt:—
Take a cut glass tumbler, fill it about
one-half or two-thirds full of spring water; take a chunk of ice about as large
as a piece of chalk, break it into small
fragments, and drop them, using a sugar tong, . into the water. Next take
a common cork—be sure and use one
that has never stopped the mouth of a
whiskey bottle, or receptable of an intoxicating fluid—grate or cut into fine
fragments and let them fall into the
glass. It will be seen at once that they
will float beautifully on the surface.
Provide a straw and drink slowly, drawing the breath inward. For young ladies, entertaining young gentlemen of
an evening, it is considered rather the
thing to provide two straws and one
glass for both parties. It is sometimes
rather best to have the two straws rather short; in fact, for a man to have two
laughing eyes firing broadside into his,
at short range, is the spice of the
" floating drink."
The marble stones which composed
Solomon's Temple were said to be forty
cubics long,  twelve thick, and   eight
high.   Supposing a cubie to be eighteen
inches, which is the lowest estimate/
they Would be  sixty feet high.    And
supposing a cubic foot ®f marble to
weigh   2,2307   ounces-, one   of    these
stones weighed 2,t&2-,038 pounds and
twelve ounces.   If one man was able to
raise two hundred pounds,., it required
13,760 men to raise one of these, and
also a little boy who could raise thirty-
eight pounds twelve ounces.   Suppose
one man to require a yard to stand upon it would require two  acres, three
rods, eleven perches, and twelve yards,
for them to stand upon while raising it/
besides aplace for the little- boy to
stand.   What  floats must have been
necessary to carry them across the sea
to Joppa I what Kind of teams, as well
as wagons, do you suppose they had' to
carry those stones from Joppa to Je-
rusalem, which  is about  thirty miles,
and   a mountanous. country?     What
ssill was necessary to Square and dress
these immense stones, so that   when
they were brought together they fitted
so exactly that they had the appearance of being one solid stone.
The Oldest Relic of Humanity.—-~
The oldest remnant of mortality extant is the skeleton of one of the earlier Pharaohs incased in its original
burial robes, and wonderfully perfect,
considering its age, which was deposited about eighteen or twenty months
ago in the British Museum, and is Justly considered the most valuable of its
archaeological treasures. The lid of the
coffin which contained the royal mummy was inscribed with the name of its
occupant, Pharaoh Mykerimus, who
succeeded the heir of the builder of the
great pyramid about two centuries before Christ. Only think of it; the
monarch *:hose crumbling bones and
leathery integuments are now exciting
the wonder^ of numerous gazers in
London reigned in Egypt before
Abraham was born, and only about
two centuries or so after- Mizraim, the
grandson of old fathe* Noah and the.
first of the Pharaohs, hadheen gathered
to his fathers.
Ignorance of Surgery.—Surgery, as
a science, does not exist in China. The
physicians sometimes very clumsily set
a fracture or reduce a dislocation. They
are perfectly astonished at seeing a foreign physician apply the knife. Nothing could induce them to cut oft" a
man's leg. I once met the case of a
man with a dislocated arm, who was
suffering severely. I asked him if he
had not called a physician to put it in
place. "Yes," he said, "one had tried
to draw it in, but could not succeed,
and he had been poulticing it for, three
months, hoping the poultice would
draw sufficiently to get it right." The
poultice, I learned, was a live chicken
pounded to death and applied to the
arm.
A yourig gentleman of Virginia has
contrived a new way to kill time—a
little pastime which ho calls "fly-loo."
This game, according to a Lynchburg.
paper, may be played by any reasonable number of persons. The players'
names are written on pieces of paper, ■
and a lump of sugar on each. Then begins the eager excitement of waiting
for a fly to light, and when it does so,,
the name of the player under which,
the sugar has attracted the fly has to
treat all round.
In the days of the Patriarchs, a woman's conduct was the index of her
heart. When, for example, the father
oi Rabekah asked her if she would go
with the servant of Isaac, she replied
at once,- "I will got" Had she been a
daughter of the nineteenth, century';
she would have answered' "Oh, pshaw 1
go with; him I Why, Mr. Isaac must
be sick ! Of course, I won't 1" And
then—-she would have gone with him.
The number of bachelors is now
greater than ever before, and the reason
is said to be the prevalent "fashionable" style of educating girls.- When
the young girls are taught, common
sense instead of broken French, when
they learn some useful employment instead of beating the piano, when they
learn to prefer honest industry' to silly,
coxcombry, and when man finds woman
a helpmate instead of a burden—then,.
and not till then, may we expect to
find fewer bachelors.
A him sung by an old
runs thus s
negro woman
I hears a rumblin' In de ekies,
Jews, screws, de fl dam I
I hears^a rumhUn' in de skies,   .jl~~ ■
JeWs, screws, de fl dum! ,
An inquiry elicited .the fact that the
second and fourth lines, which form a
sort of chorus, originally read :
"Jewscruoined him."
A good thing to be out of—Debt.-
A young man oUt-west was entrusted
with the money to bring his father
homo a good family sewing machine.
He carried off a neighbor's daughter
to Chicago, married her and brought
-her home, declaring she was the best
family sewing machine he, could procure. "
An exohange says: "To make a muss
pour a quart of molasses in your wife's
new bonnet." ' Ridiculous; the thing
wouldn't hold a pint.
An eastern editor said he had a pair
of boots so tight that they came pretty
near making him a Universalist, because he received his punishment as
he went along.'   "^	
A man may have a perfect right to
be born single, but I doubt if he has a
right to continue so.
One charge in a lawyer's bill against
a cliant was, "For waking up in the
night and thinking of your business—
five dollars." "O-'J
Of all weeds, those of widows are.
most easily eradicated,, and it is delightful kind of agriculture.
Learning is wealth to the poor and
honor to the rich, aid to the young,,
and a support and comfort to the aged.
A good kick out of doors, to sime, is
better than all the rich uncles in the
world.
Blessed is the mon that maketh a.,
short speech; he will be invited to come
again.      . ^JpW ^fit-"-.
i——
IS