The Sauk Centre Herald (Sauk Centre, Minnesota), 1867-12-12

              VOLUME I.
SAUK CENTRE, MINNESOTA, THURSDAY, DECEMBER 12, 1867.
DUMBER g&
Wkt j^mtfc #flte Italtf.
PUBLISHED    EVERY   THURSDAY   MORNING,
-A.t    Sauls  Centre,    Minn.,
BY J. H. A S. SIMONTON.
43- Office cornet-Thlrd and Seventh streets,
one block west of the SSuk Centre House.
Subscription:    >
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Rates of Advertising:
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tot each subsequent insertion.
Special place advertisements inserted at
rates agreed upon.
Yearly advertisers to pay quarterly.
RWra'n^rSTnHOTpay -In advance, or give* A-f-
isfactory reference.
JOB PRUfTIlffO
ot all kinds executed Qn short notice in the
best style.
PRfF^MlOMAL  CARDS.
TS.,J&. MINER,
JKufncg    and    Counselor   at Law, -Notary
Pm>Q& andJX&iiceyArtcef,' «
Special attention given to proceedings in
Bankruptcy in the United States* Courts.
Sauk Centre, - - Minnesota.
Office over the Post Office.
Ecl'wardl O.  Hamlin
.. ^ptAS,»E£irMED—
The Practice of Law
IN' ST. CLOU©,- MINN,
Special attention' given   to  proceedings in
Bankruptcy In united States Courts.
OFFicE.in Aldeu's brick building, up stairs
Oct.1,1807.    ' octlO-tea   1
|R. B. R. PALMER,
PliS&CIAN do SURGEON.
jbs~ Residence near the Milt Saaik-Oestttte.""SIS.
fit. £.- OOltDOK, T.. W. COLUSTS.
•G-Sk-cio     &  Collins,
Attorneys   at   Law,
Ht. Cloud, Stearns County, Minnesota
; ££&*.Particular attention given to business
itradjoining eounties.-■*'
l^riL,t.rAjj; j. parsons, . •
A TTORNEY AT LA W,
G'erinafee 'street, over Biirbank- Sros.,
[ s §i "Gfoud, MJnnesoUir. ,
-  BUSINESS   CARDS.
W    -ii- MIXER,
^Ins   ranee Agent,
Sauk Qeatte, - -    ■    Miutteseta.
Represents the soundest' and most reliable
Fire, Life and Accident Insurance Companies of the Eastern=and  Western
States.   Office over tide Post Office.
E
DWARD DREBLOW,
Cal>i.ti*5t  Maker,
Matnstreet, Sauk Centre, Minnesota.
Keeps constantly on-hand a, complete stool-
^MVaraibaife, Coffins, &c.
All orders will r^treltfe prompt attention..
B
ILLIARD SALOON,
I |Ar DE GROAT, Proprietor.
'"* TFiird street, Sauk Centre/Minnesota.
Has* fliStclass Phel'an A CoUender Billiard
Tables. L.
Ghoice Wines, Liquors, Ale, Porter and
Cigars.
\AJ~    J. WHITEFIELD,
^llouse «& Sig-n Painter,
raining, Glazing, Paper Hanging, Ac, done
■ -with neatness and on reasonable terms.
Wixrlf, "warranted equal in quality to that
f ;reed upon or no charges made. *®» Paint
i. hop next door to Thomas A Co's.
Sauk Centre, Minn., June 5,1867.
TOHN CHRISTGAU,
Boot &*   Shoe Maker,
.   Main Street, Sauk Centre, Minn.,
A complete stoek of Boots and Shoes kept
constantly on hand, and made to order on
short notice.   Good fits Warranted.
I Repairing promptly done,  at reasonable
prices.   All kinds of Shoemaker's Tools for
sate. ■
LAND OFFICE &  REAL  ESTATE
AGENCY.
NT. H.  Miner,
Lands sdKl on commission. Farms composed of Prairie, Meadow and Timber Land
for .Sale.     ",*wi '\
Persons: desiring tp. tenter Land, with Cash,
' Scrip  or' Land Warrants, or to file Pre4-
• -Emption claims, can do so at my offiee
and avoid the time and expense of
a trip to St. Gloud!.1 •
Office over ihe Post Office,. Saqk Centre,
Minnesota.
BUSINESS CARDS.
SAUK CENTRE HOUSE,
(General Stage Office,)
SAUK CENTRE,       -       -      MINN.
E. P. BARNUM, Proprietor,
Has been thoroughly-refitted and furnished
throughout, under Its new management.
The comfort of guests will at all times be
made the special care of the proprietor, and
no expense or pains Will--be spared to give
entire satisfaction to boarders and travelers.
E xccllcnt Stabling attached to the premises. E. P. BARNIJM..
A MERICAN HOUSE,
* 'wfcher%dand6lh'Sls.,i^kl3enlre, Min.
DAVID   FRANKHAUSE,  Proprietor.
The proprietor,having just completed this
larglrand commodious /building, is now prepared to accommodate the traveling public.
4®- A good tearn cotenedted "«(-!%)& Vbte teftlld-
fcng. I -4yl8i3m
CAUK CENTRE
Livery, Sale and Feed
STABLE.
Offtce <ya Third street, one door west of the
Printing Office.
Having our Stabfe completed   and well
stocked, we are now prepared to furnish
those-wnowfeh, with good
Horses and Carriages or Sleighs at  all times
on reasonable terms, so thai
All can   Take   a I£id!e.
H. DOTY A E. L. WRIGHT,
Oct. 28,186Y Proprietors.
P. 1 FEEGUSON:
DEAXER in*
3
«
8*3
AND
O
JEWELRY,
SAUK  CENTRE, MINN.
Watches,  Clocks and Jewelry carefully repaired and warranted.
; -SES" All work from a distance promptly attended to and safely retun&ed*
Miotograph Gallery-,
Sixth street,  opposite the Americun House,
SAUK CENTRE,  MINN.
The undersigned would respectfully announce'to the public that he is now prepared
to accommodate all whomay desire anything,
ift'me line of Photography at reduced prides.
Carte de Visites, per    dozen.; $4 50
"   A  " 250
1A size Gems, per dozen *3 00
l4i "       *•* -      « 'r 2 00
14 size Photographs lnO*aJWJlltFi»4*leso 90
14 size " 44  guttapercha do 3 50
| Frames and cases of all descriptions constantly on hand and for sale.
Specimens of our work may be seen by
calling at the Gallery,
A. J. ELLIS, Proprietor.
SAINT PAXJIN,
Fire & Marine
INSURANCE CO.,
ST. PAUL, MINN.
Assets orer
$530,000.
Insures Buildings, Merchandise and other
Property, against Loss or Damage by FIB.E,
at Kates as low as other first class Stock
Companies,   ,'
Particular attention given to Insurance of
Farm  Property,  Isolated  Dwellings
and tneir Furniture,
FOR ONE, THREE OR FIVE YEANR .
Also Inland Navigation Risks on Cargoes or
Freight.
BOARD OF
J. C. Burbank,
John L. Merriam,
W. WNEStstman,
John S. Prince,
Horace Thompson,
Wm. Lee,
John Nichols,
DIRECTORS,
Theo. Borup,
Peter Berkey,
W. F. Davidson,
W. P. Murray,
Geo. L. Farwell,
E. Fj»Drake.
J. C. BURBANK, Pres't.
JOHN NICOLS, Vice Pres't.
S. S. EATON, Sec'y.
W. A. WEILS, Gen'l Agent.
N. H. MINER, Local Ag't.
•SAUK CENTRE, MINN.
toetotj.
|^ITY RESTAURANT.
-.i3S3SBPH GOYETTE, Proprietor,
'Washington Avenue,  St, Cloud, Minnesota.
A ladies' and gentlemen's 'Ice Cream1 Saloon has been fitted up in first class style on
the second floor. Ice cold Lemonade, and
Soffa."Water flavored with all kinds of sjjpups.
""Presb^fend-OaMsfed^flPrults, Confectionery,
and Nuts of all kinds.
Hot Meals, Lunch, Coffee, Tea and Pastry
furnished to order.
BUTTER.
An exchange hath the following, €h<3
latest apropos version of Longfellow's
Excelsior':
The Sabbath day was coining fast
As through our village streets there passed
A man ttoo bore an empty plate,
Ahdicilea, asliimpelled by fate—
"Butter!"
His brow was sad; his eye beneath,
Rolled harsh and slow for want of grease;
His voUse -like creaking slneWs1 rung,
As slow and mournfully he sung—
" Butter 1"
In other homes he saw the light
Of Butter balls gleam warm and bright,
And then in harsh and guttural tone
The shriek died out Into a groan—
" Butter "
41 There's none for sale," and old man said;
" The 00*8 are dry or poorly feu;
For days: to buy, in vain I've tried I"
-Loudly tne man with plate still cried—
44 Butter-T'
* Cfh, SEay,^ the iilaide'ti SaM, **ahd smell
Of last year's butter crock, and tell
Your friends to smell of you!"
He yelled, as he passed out from view—
"Butter!" *
44 Beware the speculator's1 clutch! -
You'd better not his butter touch I"
This, was the wanderer's last good-night;
A 'vOice replied ft* out of sigh^"*-
" Butter!"
At break of day, out to the yard
The farmer went to milk his Herd;
He heard the lonely, gasping prayer
Ring out upon the startled air—
44 Butter!?
A traveler at noon was fouiid^
Full stretched upon the dewy ground,
And as he met his lonely fate.
He penciled on his empty plate—
44 Butter!"
<$mt\lm%.
THE PBDIBR'S  JOURNEY*
Maine Street, Sauk Centre.
?J:Mn$* t. f? MEAIEV
Would respectfully announce to the Ladles
of Sauk Centre and vicinity that she has received a complete assortment of
MILLINERY   -GOODS,
and is now prepared to accommodate all
those wishing anything in that line.
Also a good assortment of
CLOAKINCS,
Cloaks, Dress   and   Cloak   Trimming,
Furs,  Fur Hoods,  Zephyr Hoods,
Fur Caps, Gloves. Nets, Combs,
Handkerchiefs,
Apft-pll articles usually kept in an-establish1
ment of this kind.
MRS. I. E. MEALEY.
Sauk Centre, Nov. 6,1867.
A wearisome joarney it was. Along
ihe hot and dusty highways, in the long
midsummer days, by yellow fields
where men were reaping th*e autumn
harvest) and orchards where merry boys
were gathering in the apples, through
the deep snow of winter,* WBfin other
travelers were daunted and turned
back to comfortable inns to wait for
better roads'; still, With his pack on his
back, and with that sad but watchful
look on his face, he journeyed on.
Three years ago Giles was not a ped-
ler but a shopkeeper, in a little town
in (New England - and one warm summer- evening, he sat with his .child on
liis knees at the door of his shop, and
thought how like her blue eyes and
golden curls were those other blue
eyes- and golden curls that were hidden
from sight forever under the churchyard soil, and thought, too, .how he
must be a-i'ather and mother to the.
little, one now. Just then a customer
entered the shop, Giles sat the child
down, and went to attend to the wants
of the comer; and presently, when he
returned, the child- was gone I Giles
called and searched; then the neighbors were roused, and the whole village
was searched. Next day the country
round was alarmed - then came adver«
tisements in the papers far and near,
and Giles, well nigh besides himself in
his agony, travelled hither and thither,
wherever some vague rumor told him
of a possibility of finding traces of his
daughter ■ then, the excitement dying
away, Giles was left alone in his* distress. He was restless -. he felt he must
be doing something.
" There are many places that the*
papers seldom or never reach," said
he ; " I will sell out my store (it had
never been opened since that fearful
night,) and will take a pack on my
back,' and travel through the byways
and secret nooks, and try and trust in
God."
It seemed a wild undertaking; in
such an immense extent of country
what oould one man do ? Besides, the
child might have been carried off to
another country; but the effort was a
relief to Giles, for, so long as we can do
anything for the sake of our lost ones
—lost to us either by absence or death
—•-so long we seem nof wholly separated
from them.
And so it was that for three long
years Giles had plodded wearily along
—three years that had done the work
of thirty on him, wrinkling his smooth
forehead, and sprinkling silver on his
hair, and so it was that one stormy winter night found him seated before the
fire of a little inn, far up among the
mountains. It was a place frequented
by travelers in the summer season, but
deserted as soon as the snow began to
fall, and as. effectually cut off from all
human society as an island far out in
the ocean.
Giles had finished his story—the
story of his loss and of his  wanderings.
"Ah, well man,-' said the host, after a
pause, " we must have our troubles.
Your child is lost, and just now, before
you came in, comes the poor old woman
that lives down the lane^ and tells me
her child is sick to dying, and no doctor short of twelve miles is no better
than.fifty, so far as getting him to-night
goes,"
" Did some one go forhifa?" asked
Giles.
" Oh," said the host in amazement,
" did some one want to be eaten alive
by the wolves, or buried alive in the
drifts?    No, nobody."
" Then with God's help I will go,"
cried Giles, starting up.
" Are you out of your mind, man, returned the host; 'a good  twelve  miles
ler.
In what direction ?" asked the ped-
"The very road you came up to-day,
and a hard days work you had getting
W-^What-, thehj do you expect to do in
the night?"
" Have you no kind of animal to
lend me? I am going 'to leave my
pack here • you need not fear to trust
me with a horse."
, " No beast of mine could pick his
rviray to-night—or should if fie could-," he
added in an undertone to h-Sinself.
The pedler had buttoned up his over-
'c'Oat, before the host, convinced of his
resolution, slowly rose, and muffling
himself up, took down his lantern, following Giles to the gate, gave him the
last directions-, and lookedwn him re-
oedirig- through tfce darkness as one he
was never again to behold alive, and
then returnd to his comfortable fire.
A fearful journey through that winter night. Now and then the snow
would come drifting and driving
against him, blinding, almost stunning
him ; now and then, far off through the
forest, he could hear the cries of the
hungry wolves : once or twice he missed his way, and then his heart sank
within him, and his courage well nigh
failed, but he thought of the desolate
mother watching alone by her dying
child, and he thought where might his
own ehild be», and with prayer to our
Father in He'aVen,Jhe plodded bravely
,v'a-.
The twelve miles were accomplished,
the doctor Was found, horses were saddled, and it was a bright morning before the tVro reached the little inn Tip
in the mountains, much to the astonishment Of the host, who shaking the
doctor and the pedler each by the
hand, declared they were two horses,
and then directing them to the poor
old woman's abode, promised them a
capital breakfast on their return.
" But, good sir," he called to the
pedler, "why not stay here? I'll warrant the doctor will find the house
alone."
" I always go everywhere," returned
-the pedler, in a quiet, desponding tone,
that expressed his passing thought—
" So far all in vain, why then further ?"
" Thank this good man .for saving
your little girl's life, two hours later
would have been too late," said the doctor, as he came out of the little patient's room, and stood with Giles and
the old woman by the stove.
" I want no thank's," the pedler replied ; " I know what it is to lose a child.
How old is yours ?"
" Seven or eight, I should say'; she
cannot tell her age," answered the' old
woman.
" Can you not tell the age of your
own cnild, woman ?" said the pedler,
rather testily.
" Good, sir, it is not reason, though
God knows I loij-e her as mine," the
woman answered, "'Twasa.little wee
thing—some tramps left it here, and I
believe they stole it-^-it Was hear to dying ; so, not to be burtkensomed with it,
they, left it at my door one night, and
the poor wee darling cried—it was two
years ago I had buried my old man—
so when I heard it cry, I took it in.
The good God has sent me something
to take care for, says I, and I cried as
much as the child. You are sure she
will get well, now, are you, doctor ?"
" Sure," replied the doctor.
But during the woman's account the
pedler listened like one in a dream,
trembling violently. " Show me the
child" said he.
The strangeness of his voice startled
them. They led him to the bedside,
he fell down speechless 1 The father's
heart bad borne so muoh dissappoint-
ment and agony, the first shock of joy
overpowered it,
The happiness of the father in finding his child, the feeling of the poor
woman in seeing herself the cause of so
much joy, the interest the kind doctor
took in them, must be imagined, not
described ; and this was the end of the
pedler'a journey. He hired a little
store in the village where the doctor
lived, and stocked it Well. . He prospered in buslnesss, ahd provided generously for the old lady.
" You must come and spend the rest
of your days with ns," said he, "and
the little darling must call you grandma."   -
He never afterward* neglected an
opportunity of doing a kindness to any-
human being, and never spoke of the
past without raising his eyes reverently
to heaven and'sayihg:
" That fearful night when I walked
those twelve miles,.I believed it was to
save a stranger's child. God be blessed
it was my own."       •#
How   a   Disconsolate   Suitor   Chewed
Ills "Way into a Lunatic Asylum.
From the Nashville Banner.
A friend who is devoted to scientific
pursuits communicated to us yesterday
some singular facts connected with the
history of & recently admitted inmate
of the iunatio. asylum.
Some twelve menths ago a young
man who was employed in the Nashville and Decatur railroad car shops, a
steady, industrious, mechanic, formed
the acquaintance of a lady about fifteen
years old, who resided a few miles from
the city. An attachment speedily
sprang up between the two, which resulted in an engagement.
Their first troubles arose from the
objections urged by the parents of the
young lady. The old folks preferred'
another man. In anticipation of his
marriage, however, the suitor had
saved from his wages a considerable
amount of money. He could now give
the object of his affections a comfortable home, and saw no reason for waiting. #"
% About two weeks ago he asked that
the wedding   might   take place at an
early day, but his fiance wished to defer the nuptials for two months, as at
the expiration of that time she would
be slxfeen. This, ttlth. renewfed opposition from the parents, seems to have
weighed heavily upon- his mind. He
was an inveterate ch'ewer of tobacco,
and had often consumed nearly half a
pound pet day. This habit had long
beetle undermining, his nervous system,
and his sorrows made him all the more
persistent in mastfcatiWg the 'weed.
His quid was his 'Constant companion.
The more be thought -of. his crossed
love the, harder he chewed. There
was no limit to his unnatural indulgence. Every sight Was sklg^CstiVe of a
fresh mouthful; every reminiscence of
the dear one Was followed by* copious
expectoration.
The rest is soon told. About ttvo
weeks ago he began to exhibit uft'mis-
taxable signs of lunacy, and is bow under Dr. Jones' charge. His mental
condition is directly attributed by the
physicians to the excessive use of tobacco, aggravated by the effects of disappointed love on a weakened intellect.  «
He chewed not wisely but too well*
A Beautiful Passage.
CUltlOUS TABLE OF FIGURES.
1
2
4
1
16
3
o
5
9
17
5
6
6
10
s.
7
7
7
11
19
9
10
12 i
12
20
11
11
13
13
21
13
14
14
14
22
15
15
15
15
23
17
18
20
24
24
19
19
21
25 ,
25
21
22
22 .
26
26
23
S3
29*
27
27
30
39
28
28
28
37
2?
216
28
20
29
30
30
30
30
31
31
31
31
31
33
34
36
40
48
35
35
37
41
49
37
38
38
42
. 50
•*t>
89
43
•91
<tt .
41
42
44
44
52
43
63
45
45
53
45
46
46
46
54
47
47
47
47
• 55 .
49
50
52
56
M
51
51
53
57
57
as
51
54
58
58
85
M
55 '
59
56*
W'
58
60
W-
60
59
59
61
61
*1
61
«2
62
62
62
63
63
63
63
63
HOW BILL
•SOT
SHOT.
Just band this table to a lady and
request bar to tell in which column or
columns her age is contained. Add together the figures at the top of the columns in which her age is found and
you have the great secret.- Thus suppose her age to b'6 seyenteen-. You
will find the number 17 only in two
columns, namely, the first and fifth,
and the first figures of these columns
make seventeen. Here is the magic
table:
33
34
35
36
37
38
39
40
41
42
45
44
45
46
47
48
49
50
51
52
53
|"54|
55.
56
OT
581
-59|
60
61
62
63
" Bill, don't you know dad don't allow you to buy shot ?" asked a young
urchin of. a brother somewhat his senior, who was making a purchase of that
article.
" You just never mind me." I'll
thank you to attend to your own business, Mister Bob, and I will attend to
mine, I don't care what dad allows;
I'll buy what I please."
Little boy, slightly agitated. "I'm going home to tell dad," he exclaimed,
and hastening home, he rushed into]
the room where the old gentleman was
sitting quietly reading the morning paper with the startling announcement:  |
" Oh 1 dad I dad ! Bill's . Went and
got shot!"
" Good Heaven 1 Where is he," cried
the old man in the greatest consternation,
" Down to Thompson's store," said
Bob.
The old man dropped his paper and
bolted for the front door, forgetting in
his excitement to remove his reading
specs, and consequently miscalculating
the distance to the pavement, stepped
off too soon, and came sprawlihg on all
fours.
He gathered himself up and started
for the store. The pavement appeared
to be about the level of his knees, consequently, in his violent efforts to keep
it under him, he drew from the astonished bystanders such roars as was
never bestowed upon an individual
since the world began.
At length his Gilpin-like speed was
checked by his arrival at the store,
where he saw Bill stretched at bis full
length, taking it remarkably easy for
one who had but a few minutes previously " got shot." The old matt,
supposing him to be badly if not mortally wounded, rushed frantically up to
him, exclaiming :
" 0, William ! William 1 where are
you wounded ?"
" What's the mattdr dad? Are you
crazy?" asked Bill, raising on his elbow, and casting a look of astonishment at the old man.
■' Why Eobert said you'd got shot 1"
So, I did—got half a pound of the
best in the store."
The old man left amid noise enough
to drown a thunder clap. As might be
supposed, Bob got the flogging and
Bill didn't.
" I say, boy, is there anything to
shoot about here ?" fEquired a sportsman of a boy he met.
" Well," replied the boy, "nothing
just about here; but our schoolmaster
is just over the hill there cutting birch
rods; you might walk up and pop him
over."
.The fiollowingis ftCm the "Reverie*
OT a Bachelor," by Ixe Marvel:
." A poor man without some sort of
religion, is at best a pdor reprobate, the
foot ball ot destiny, with no tie linKing
him to infinity and to the wondrous
eternity that is even worse—a flame
without a heart, a rainbow without ool-
or, a flower without perfume. A man
Utiay, in some sort, tie his hopes and
his honors, to this WeaK shifting ground
tacxle, to his business of the world-, but
a woman, without that anchor called
faith, is a drift and a wrecs:! A man
a*»y continue a sort of moral responsr-
bility out of relation to maiiKind ; but
a woman in her comparatively isolated
sphere, wheirC affection and not
purpose is the controlling motive, can
find no basis in any system or right action but.that: of faith;' A man may
craze his brain or thoughts to ti^lstful*:
nesg) in such poor harborage as fame
and reputation may stretch before hink
but a woman—where- can she put her
hopes in storms if not in heaven. And
that sweet truthfulness—that abidih'g-
love—that enduring hope-, ineilOWing
evCry page and scene in lire—lightening them- with pleasant radiance, when
the world's storms breax lixe a cannon f'
Who can bestow it's all but a holy soul)
tied to what Is stronger than ah army
with a cannon ! Who has enjoyed the
love of a Christian mother but will ecftlji
the thoughts with energy, and hallow
it with a tear ?
Our. Thoughtless Words:—<fteaderr;
did you ever think how much a thought--
less word can Wound ? Perhaps some
sorrowing mortal is near yoii even now
thirsting in her heart for a single word-.
Every "heart knoweth its own bitterness," but how few of us ever sympathize in another's woe. We pass "ahd-
repass the mourning, sorrowing one,
and perhaps a few common-place words
Of condolence fall with a Cold; unmeaning, lifeless expression. from our lips;
and we think our duty done;. and often, very oftehj a smile of derision, art
unkind word, and a rankling; festering
wound is inflicted, . which burns tile ■
heart as long as life lasts-.
Ah ! how little do we think how our
thoughtless words influence the dUfT-
ny of others for time and eternity I A
single harsh expression falls fromoiii?
lips, which is forgotten by us almost as
soon as uttered, and a mildew of blight
falls upon some heart Which, had our"
words been fitly spoken, migbt have
budded and- blossomed in an eternity"
of happiness-.
Then, reader, let your words be those
of gentleness, and yoiir actions «3ver*
kind. The human heart is easily touched) and from its bidden fountains will
gush forth such a stream of gratitude
and love, that you will never regret
the effort you have made, rior fcfrget to*
thank God for the good you have beed
the means of doing.
44A little word of kindness spoken,
.A motion or a tear,
Has often soothed the heart that's brokeflj
And made a friend sincere.**
A Printer's Toast*
The following ingenious sentiment
was given in Philadelphia, at the third
annual dinner of The Typothetee:
The Printer—an Epitome of many
Trades and Profession.—Like the Law=
yer, he practices at the bar, and handles capital as well as lower cases - like
the Moralist, few have plainer rules to
guide him: like the Bravo, be sticks,
daggers into many forms i like the Astrologer, he reads the stars: like the
[Jailor, he is great on locking up : like
the Witch, he bas dealings With the-
devil: like the Cheat, he is versed in
all the arts of imposition ; like a Hunter, he knows4all about the chase • like
the Purjurer, be has strong lye always
ready - though his profession is not as
old as Adam's yet, like the Gardener, he
must be able to manage the Hoe, and,"
unlike the original gardener, will never want clothes, with a Taylor in his
office i like the Soldier he can handle
a shooting stick, arrange columns, and
set up cannon : like the Dandy, be is
fond of a dash ; like a Sing, be bas
plenty of pages: like the Baseball
Player, he catches on the fly * like the
Milliner, he keeps a stock of small
caps, borders, and flowers: like the
Jeweler, he can set pearl, ruby, agate
and diamond : like the Housekeeper,
be has a supply of furniture, beds,
blankets, and sheets : he never wants
for music, with so many" Harpers in
the profession. Finally, like the Crer*1
gyman, he sees bis most perfect forms/
after he has corrected all the errors,
carried off, and their beautiful faces
covered with clay.	
A   Candid   Confession.
A husband accompanied his wife tt>
confession. The lady' having opened
her grief, the father who was shriving
her insisted on administering. & severe
penitential scourging. The husband,
hearing tbe first stroke inflicted on his-
better half, interfered, and urged that
bis wife was delicate, and that, as she
and he were one flesh, it would be bet»
ter for him, as the stronger vessel, to
receive the scourging intended for his
helpmate. Tbe confessor having consented to this subsitution, .the man
knelt in his Wife's place, while she retired from the confessional. Whack t
whack! went the cat, followed by a
moan from the good malt's Hps.
" Harder 1 harder!" ejaculated the
wife j " I am a grievous sinner I"
Whack I whack 1 whack f
" Lay it on !" cried ahe ; "Ism tho
worst of sinners J"
Whack! whack! and a bowl from
the sufferer.
" Never mind his ories, father V,
claimed she ; "remember onljr/-"'
Make him smart here, tha£/
eape in purgatory.
I
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