The Sauk Centre Herald (Sauk Centre, Minnesota), 1868-05-07

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VOLUME I.
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SAUK CENTRE, MINNESOTA, THURSDAY, MAY  7, 188&
NUMBER 48.
®fe* fault €*ttt^lfaJdL
EVERV THURSDAY MORNING,
Minn.,
. PUBLISHED
AX   Sauk Centre
BY J. H. A S. SIMONTON.
<S**: Office corner Third and seventh Streets.
one block west of the Sank Oefatre HouSfe;  '
Subscription:
TWO DOLLARS A YEAR  IN ADVANCE.
Kates of Advertising:
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2   "  1 150 j   2 00 |
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300|   5 50 ]
9.00 | 15 00
S   "  12-001   2 75 |
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1050 | 1800
Mcol-J 300)   375)
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Legal advertisements T5 cents per square for
the first Insertion, and Sf}i cents per square
for each subsequent insertion. -
Special place advertisements- inserted at
rates agreed upon.
Yearly advertisers to pay quarterly.
Strangers must pay in advance, Ot give satisfactory reference.
JOB PRINTING
of all kinds executed on-short notice in the
best style.
Sauk Centre Cards.
IV. H.  MEVBB,
Attorney - and    Counselor   at Law, Notary
Public and Conveyancer,
Will attend to any business pertaining to a
general Law Practice, make Collections and
promptly remit proceeds. Draft Conveyances
and Contracts, Enter' Government Lands
with Cash or Warrants, make Pre-Emption
Claims and attend to Contested Land Cases.
Office over the Post Office, Sauk Centre,
Minnesota.
c
HAS. WALKER,
Dealer in Real Estate,
Buying and Selling Land on Commission.
AGENT FOB THE .ETNA FIRE iNf5.-CC**.
**- Office over the Post Office, with N. H.
-Miner. mar26tf
. B. R. PALMER,
PHYSICIAN db SURGEON,
And Examining Surgeon for Pensions,
*B* Residence nearthe Mill, Sauk Centre. "S&
.N.
H. MINER,
Insurance Agent,
Sauk Centre,        -        -        Minnesota.
Represents the soundest and most reliable
Fire, Life and Accident Insurance Companies of the Eastern and Western
States.   Office over the Post Office.
W. J. WHITEFIELD,
House, Sigit, and Carriage
Graining, Glazing, Paper Hanging, &c,,_done
with neatness and off reasonable teriris.    -
Work warranted  equal in quality to that
agreed upon or no charges made.   «3~P»«nt
S hop over Bedell &Hmman's Carriage Shop.
WEST   & TRUMAN,
Builders and Contractors,
Office over E. E. West's Wagon ^hop,
SAUK CENTRE, MINN.
Having had over 20 years experience as
Practical Builders, we feel confident of giving satisfection. WEST A TRUMAN.
-Saukj^iyfei-e, April 15,1868. 45tf
OHN CHRISTGAU,
x^aivo  office:
AND
Real   Estate Agency.
VanHoesen & MitchellT:
ALEXANDRIA, DOUGLAS   CO., MINN'A.
Bu*-and Sell Real Estate on Commission,
Pay Taxes for N«n-Rasidents, Select and Locate Government Lands for others, with
CASH, SCRIP AND WARRANTS,
Homestead and Pre-Emption Papers made
out.
F.- B. Van Hoesen, Jas. S. Mitchell,.
Att'y at Law. 41m6-
St. Cloud Cards.
D
R, A. PELHAM,
Siirgeou   Dentist,
Permanently located in   St.   Cloud.
Broker's Block.
Office
Edhsvarcl  O.  Hamlin
—HAS resumed—
The Practice of Law
;p ST. CLOUD, MINN.
Special attention given  to proceedings in
Bankruptcy in united States Courts.
Office ih Alden's brick building, up stairs
Oct. 1,1867.' ' octl0-6m
3B. ti. GOBDON. "U W. COX.LINS.
Gordon  &, Collins,
Attorneys  at   Law,
St. Clotid, Stearns County, Minnesota
Kg- Particular attention given to business
in adjoining counties.
[ftTILLIAM J. PARSONS,
ATTORNEY AT LA
W,
Saint Germaine street, over Burbank Bros.,
- St. Cloud, Minnesota.
"%tm 0r_sTv ctouo
GENERAL   BANKING   AND   EXCHANGE   BUSINESS   TRANSACTED.
Gold and Silver,
Land Warrants, College Scrip and Foreign
Exchange bought and sold. Particular Attention given to COLLECTIONS, and Proceeds Promptly Remitted.
Office opon from 9 to 12 A. M., and 1 to 5
■p.m.
St. Germaine Street, St. Cloud, Minn.
J. G. SMITH, Cashier.
- St. Cloud Jan. 30.1868.
RUDOLPH
SHCENEMANN,
rER
WATCHMAiv
St. Germaine Street,
ST. CLOUD,       -       -       - ■  MINN.
A   GOOD assortment, of Wateaes, Clocks,
Jewelry, Stiver and Plated ware always
on had.   Galvanizing done. Repairing neatly done and warranted for one year.. --,        ly
Alarge lot of Spectacles for sale.   -
Soot Sc Shoe Maker,
Main Street, Sauk Centre, Minn.,
A. complete stock of Boots and Shoes kept
constantly tin hand, and made to order on
short notice.   Good fits warranted.
- Repairing promptly done, at reasonable
prices.   All kinds of Shoemaker's Tools for
sale. 	
C. L. ORCUTT,
HOUSE,   J3IGN,    AND   .CARRIAGE
PAINTEB,
Paper Hanger Grainer and GlaziSf
Shop over .E. E. West's Wagon Shop,
SAUK CENTRE,      -^_   •      -      MINN.
All work done promptly and in the neatest
gaahner, 6m42
SAUK CENTRE HOUSE,
(General Stage Office,)
SAUK CENTRE,       -       -      MINN
B. P. BARNUM, Proprietor,
Has been thoroughly refitted and furnished
throughout, under its new management.
The comfort of guests will at all times be
made the special care of the proprietor, and
no expense or pains will be spared to give
entire'satlsfaetion to boarders and travelers.
Excellent Stabling attached to*hepremises. E. P. BARNUM.
AMERICAN HOUSE,
Corner 2d and 6th Streets,
SAUK CENTRE,     -   -  >* -'   MINN.
This is a new, large and commodious build-
tog, fitted up in the best style, with all the
necessary conveniences for the comfort'of
guests. A large Barn, with warm and comfortable stabling is connected with the House.
Travelers wilffind at the American House
the beet of accommodations for both man
and beast.
DAVID FRANKHAUSE, Proprietor.
dOITY RESTAURANT.
. JOSEPH GOYETTE, Proprietor,
Washington Avenue, St. Cloud; Minnesota.
A ladies' and gentlemen's Ice Cream Saloon has been fitted up ln first class style on
the second, floor. Ice- cold Lemonade, and
Soda Water flavored with all kinds or syrups.
Fresli • and Canned Fruits, "Confectionery,
arid Nuts of all kinds. .
Hot Meals', Lunch, Coffee, Tea and Pastry
furnished to order.
LAVENIE M'CULLY & SISTER,
MILLINERS
and Dress Makers.
STAMPING,  HAIR_ SWITCHERS &c.
With a good assortment of
Millinery Goods,
Ladies' Cloths, Gloves.
Ae.,      Ac,      Ae.      Ae.
All of the VERY LATEST STYLES.
Satisfaction guaranteed in every particular.
P. 1 FERGUSON,
Watchmaker
AND
Jeweler,
E
DWARD DREBLOW,
Cabinet Maker.
Stain street, near the Presbyterian Church,
Sauk Centre, Minnesota.
Keeps constantly on hand a complete stock
of Furniture, Coffins, &c.
All orders will receive prompt attention.
SAUK  CENTRE, MINN.
Watches, Clocks, and Jewelry carefully repaired and warranted.
J&S*- All work froin a distance promptly attended to'and safely, returned.
HOW HAPPY S'LiIr 3B.
A little one played. among the flowers,
In the blush and bloom, of summer hours;
Khetwined the buds.in a garland fair,
, And bound them up in her shining-hair.
" Ah me!'' said she,41 how happy I'll ho,
When ten years more have grown overme,
And I am a maiden, with youth's bright glow
Flushing my cheek, and lighting my ta' w!"
A maiden mused in a pleasant room,   .
Where the air was filled with a soft perfume;
Vases were near of antique mould,
Beautiful pictures rare and old,
And she, of all the loveliness there,
Was by far the loveliest and raoSt fair.
'-Ahnie! Sighed she, " how happy I'U be,
When my heart's true love comes home tome!
Light of my life, my spirit's pride,'■'■ •'■
I count the days till thou reach my side."
A mother, bent over the cradle hest, -.,-
Where she soothed her babe to his smiling
rest;
" Sleep well," she murmured, soft and low,
As'She pressed her kisses oh his brow;:
"Oh! child,sweet child, how happy I'll be,
If the good God let thee stay with me,
Till later on, in life's evening hour -
Thy strength shall be my strength and tower!"
An aged one sat by the glowing hearth.
Almost ready to leave the earth;   ,
Feeble and frail, the race she had run
Had borne her along to the setting sun.
44 Ah me! she breathed, in an undertone,
"HoW happy I'll be when lite is done!
When.the world fades out with its weary strife
And I soajr away to a better life!"
'Tis*thus we journey, from youth to age,
Longing to turn to another page,
Striving to hasten the years away,
Lighting our hearts with the future's ray;
Hoping on earth, till its visions fade,
Wishing and waiting, through sun and shade;
Turning, when earth's last tie is riven,
To the beautltul rest that remains in heaven..
j&teJJamj.
1<hs: grandchildren ahs coming.
B
ILLIARD SALOON,
A. DE GROAT, Proprietor.
Third street, Sauk Centre, Minnesota.
Has flrst class Phelan A Collender Billiard
Tables.
iGlMftee •Wines,
Cigars.    '
Liquors, Ale, Porter and
T   CHAMBERLIN,
'   GUNSMITH,
Shop on 2d Street, near, the American House
SAUK CENTRE.
Guns, Pistols, &c, Repaired on short notice.
Parties* in this upper country will find it to
theft advantage to get their work done at
homftjittnd-thereby save the extra expense of
■ending to St. Cloud. Terms reasonable and
•ttisjactlon warranted, aprl6
SAINT FA.TTJL.
Fire & Marine
INSURANCE CO..
ST. PAUL, MINN.
Assets over       $530,000.
Insures Buildings, Merchandise and other
Property, against Loss or Damage by FIRE,
at Rates as low as other first class Stock
Companies.
Particular attention-given  to  Insurance, of
Farm  Property, "Isolated Dwellings
and tneir. Furniture,
FOR'ONE, THREE OR FIVE YEAR.
Also Inland Navigation*.-.tBtsh® on. Cargoes or
Freight.'
BOARD OF DIRECTORS,
the
the
for
J. C. Burbank,
John L. Merriam,
W. W. Eastman,
John S. Prince,
Horace Thompson,
Wm. Lea,
John Nichols,
Theo. Borup,
Peter Berkey
W. F. Djiyidson,
W. P.Murray,
Geo. L. Farwell,
E. F. Drake.
J. C. BURBANK, Pres't.
JOHN NICOLS, Vice Pres't.
S. S. EATON, Sec'y.
W. A. WE1IS, Gfcii'l Agent.
fl. HvMMER, Local Ag't.
SAUK CENTRE, MINN
BY   HENRY WARD BEECHER.
From the New York Ledger.
After all—what is the use? We set
up our house, and one by one children
fly into it, ^ike birds out of some foreign wood into a^cage—one, two, three,
four, and more. ' With each one comes
also a cry; and that cry is the keynote to which a hundred sorrows add
their voices, and gradually swell into
that strange chorus which men call human life I For each child .there is to
be a fringe of care on the edge of every
day. Each child brings burdens- and
anxieties. Tears in their eyes are but
harbingers of many more in the eyes of
all who love them! To shape them
from infancy to goodness, to shape their
hands, to repair their mistakes, and' secure their firm footing in an honorable
manhood, who can measure the thought
the feeling, the endeavors ? And then,
when the long task is.done, is.there no
compensation ? Or they do they not,
one by one, . detach themselves, and
like comely fruit, fall from -the bough
on-which they grew, leaving it bare
and empty ?
That daughter—just as she began to
be a full companion—to repay aU the
labor of her training—is snatched'
away by some one who has-known her
fewer weeks than parents have years;
she goes. The home is empty of her.
Her rooms, her drawers, her books and
school tasks, fondly preserved, carry a
sadness to the mother's heart every
time they are looked upon. The boys,
almost before you. dream that they
have ceased to be boys, come asking
the father's blessing on a new comer.
By the time that father and another
are conscius of age and infirmity, the
whole brood is scattered and gone.
The old house is solitary.. It used to be
straightened for room when all the
children were at home; but now there
is room too much. It used to be unquiet and noisy, but now one might
doze all day for all. the, noise that is
made. Only the fire, snapping out
suddenly, or the drowsy old clock ticking behind the door, or a kitten mewing to get in, or to get out, or a squeaking mouse or rat, make any audible
noise. When children are all at home,
a man is like a Norway spruce, whose
well grown branches, beginning from
the level ofthe ground, rise up ;ih- a
perfect pyramid, shaping the tree to
exquisite proportions. But each child
married is a bough lopped off, leaving
a wide spaoe, until the parent trunk is
finally trimmed up like a shaft, and all
the verdure left clings ta the.top.
In European communities, the children often marry and settle down
around their childhood home. But
this is rare in America. The endless
circulation that is "-going on sweeps
away the children ; and to be married
is almost synonymous with going away
from home.
All this, Mr. Bonner, describes my
state of mind last week. It is very different now. Word has come that- -the
grandchildren are coming home?
What! both the children and their
mother ? for a good long visit? Bless
their hearts, let them come. There's
nothing in -this house too good for them.
Now, then, we shall have a household
once more. Children are the flowers
wfyich God sends down from Heaven to
enliven and cheer this life. What was
I. saying, a little while back, about the
care, and anxiety, and pain, and trouble, of bringing them up ? Stuff—mere
stuff, Mr. Bonner, I assure you. Don't
believe a word of it. I was surely in a
dream. It was a half nightmare. I am
awake now; and do assure you that he
who is fit to have, and to rear children,
will see ten, yes, a hundred joys to every,
sorrow'; and the sunshine of their smiles
Tsria.1 turn into rainbows every, tear which
they shed or cause to be shed.
If there is anything in the world that
-pays as it goes along, it is taking care of
children. Raising ■ flowers is all very
well. But flowers have no mischief in
them, they behave too well, they lack
human nature, they need the iridescent
qualities of disposition that flash from
every surface of a child's life. Children
a trouble? Do they pout? fret? disobey
and go wrong ? Don't you wish asters
I and honeysuckles would show as much
life ?. What would you give to have a
singing vine, or a.flower that Could learn
to say its prayers ? *
, Why,-trouble in the.nursery is a. paN|
rent's pastime. If one -don't "believe it
let him be left for a while without children. He will soon be glad to hear that
the grandchildren are coming home I
Well, we must get ready for them.
Let the drawers be filled with candy.
Get out the crib, and put up the dear
little narrow bed again.
Hunt .up the dolls, the wagons,
play house, the picture books,
string. Where are the tall chairs
the; table, and the little cups, and
knives and forks- for a child's hand ?
It looks like living  again !
Now we shall be waked in the morning by a chubby rogue climbing up
jon the bed and playing tricks with my
eyes and nose! Then will come the
trooping down to breakfast, and all
the table antics, Then -we will all go
up to family prayers—and what a time
those children will make of it. Children are not natural worshippers.
But how patient will we be 1 Nothing shall fret us. Already we are more
robust, and shall let out the buckle of
our girdle one or two holes. In short,
the grandchildren are coming; and, in
bringing themselves back to us, they
bring back the childhood of
parents too, and bring us back to
selves I
THE HEAVY STAKE.
their
A True Story.
From t he New York Weekly.
He was a man rather over medium
size, with .black hair and whiskers, and
a handsome face, with clear, gray eyes,
who came into a gambling room in
Sacramento one night, badly under the
influence of liquor. He sauntered idly
from one crowd to another, gathered
around the various gaining tables.
When we met he said :
•' John, you been an old friend. I
been here ten years now. Going home
to settle down. I love Fanny, you know,
and she loves me. Look here," he
continued, taking a wallet from his bosom, "here's ten thousand dollars in
gold."
I looked at his treasure. It was pure
gold dust, gathered from the then prolific placers of California.
" Put that away," said I. " Take it
from this place. Let me go with you
to your, hoarding house, at once." :
Taking his arm I endeavored to lead
him aw^iy. But he resisted- as a man
who had resolved on his own course.
With a silly, drunken air,-he said :
" What's ten thousand dollars for ten
years' work? When I left the 'States'
to come here, poor as a mouse, Fanny
Morton promised to be mine, and she
shan't repent it. Such complexion and
such.eyes are worthy a better fortune
than ten thousand dollars. It's like]
her throwing away her time waiting for.
me, if I don't go home with any more
money than that. Shall that dear little
angel be disappointed ? Never 1 I'll
make it twenty thousand dollars tonight 1"
He started with unsteady step toward a faro table. Vainly I strove to
tiirn him from his purpose. He, however, stopped again, and said :
"Tell you, John, what you do. If I
lose I'll be ousted—won't have a cent
in the world. Maybe that would keep
me here another ten years. She wouldn't
wait so long. I couldn't stand that, for
she has been my only hope for these
ten years. So for me it is twenty thousand or death, and I never played a
game in my life. If I fail, write to
Fanny and tell her all about it. Here,
John, Dick, Tom, Jones, Wilson, what'll
you have?"
A crowd gathered around to assist
him to imbibe at the bar. I refused
to drink. I had never seen him tipsy
before, and now he was both drunk and
wild.
" Come onyfellers," he shouted, waving his wallet over his head, " and see
a game 'at's wuth seein'. Here goes
for ten thousand dollars on one bet 1"
A crowd began to gather around him
as he pressed toward a table. Every
other table was forsaken. A hundred
persons surrounded this table tip-toeing with eager curiosity to see the progress of this heavy wager.
Swinging his wallet around with a
drunken, swaggering flourish, a hiccough and a wild eye, this man of less
than thirty years of age, with his life's
hopes, and life itself placed on one
cast, selected his number, and placed
his money upon it. I saw the movement, and as he withdrew his hand
from the completed action I looked
again in his face. His eyes met mine
from the table. H© was perfectly sober I ImL hii'ij
Never shall I forget the fearfallV
anxious expression of the now terrified
man. Every faculty of interest seemed
multiplied a hundred fold and concentrated in his face. All present knew
him and in death-like stillness awaited
the result, which they knew was to enrich or beggar him.
The right card turned up. My friend
had won. A hand was -stretched forth
to grasp the twenty thousand dollars,
and I made a movement to thrust the
robber back, for such I deemed him,
as I looked up from the table I had
been watching^ and missed my friend.
His hair was black. This intruding
stranger was a gray-headed man. A
second look showed me that the unendurable agony of suspense had turned
my friend's  hair  white!   I was   not
alone in this discovery, for a cry of horror burst from the assembled mass, following' close upon the hearty cheer at
his success.
He never after that drank a drop of
any intoxicating liquor, or played a.
game of chance.
-He returned homo by the next
steamship, and though his betrothed
was surprised at his grave face and gray
hairs, she attributed4 them to toil in the
mines for her sake, and cheerfully fulfilled her promise of marriage.
ANOTHER  CHICAGO  DISASTER.
A Fenian Mass Meeting Precipitated
Into a Cellar—Forty Persons Seriously Wosjidtd.
The Chicago 1ribune has the following
particulars of the fall of Healey's Hall,
.bin Archer avenue, Thursday night
whereby; the whole audience was hurled
from the second floor into the cellar,
and about forty persons serously wounded, some of whom will'die:
- The hall was filled to its greatest capacity with eager and enthusiatic Irishmen. A grand meeting of the Fenian
organization was taking place. General
O'Neil, the Presidenfof the Brothehood,,
and Mr.-Gibbons, the second in command, were both present. The latter"4
had just concluded a strong and exciting appeal tohis countrymen to arise and
strike for the redemption of their native land. The applause, which was
frequent while he spoke, redoubled at
the close. It was a paroxysm of cheers,
of clappings and stampings.
In the very height of this frantic and
tumultuous applause, whioh continued
despite the warnings given a moment
before by the proprietor of the place,
the floor of the hall gave way, and nearly all of the shouting, applauding multitude were swept down to the floor
below.
The flooring of the hall was supported
only by a couple of beams nine inches
by twelve, which were resting
upon joists fourteen feet long.
Flimsy and unsubstantial aa paper, it is
wonderful that the frail structure had
not gone down long. ago.
These unfortunates being thus precipitated together with broken beams and
boards upon the billiard room below,
the flooring tp that in turn gave way,
and all hurled a distance of six feet more
into the cellar. Fortunately but very
few people were in the billiard room,
nearly all having gone up stairs to hear
the   speeches;
There was however, a large stove in
the room, and it was feared by the horrified bystanders that it would set fire
to the debris. The alarm box was broken open and the alarm struck, but the
flames were happily extingaished without injury being done to any person.
When the floor thus caved in, numbers who were near the windows saved
themselves by jumping out of or by clinging to them; and a few, also, who were
in the extreme southeastern corner of
the room,escaped uninjured. The rush
was terrible, and the consternation was
equal to that which prevailed at St.
Mary's Church on Good Friday night.
The fears ofthe fire, the cries of those
who lay in the wreck of the building,
and the shouts, of- those who had been
go fortunate as to escape, made the
scene one not to be easily forgotten.
A number of persons were observed
to dangle on the outside from the second story windows, when they felt the
floor give way under their feet, clung.
frantically to the window sills, and subsequently some of these changed their
'position to' the outside, and clung to
the outside until rescued "by* means of
ladders from the somewhat perilous position.
The work ' of extricating the dead,
maimed and wounded from the debris
was attended with considerable difficulty! ' The chief source of trouble was the
want of light. Living objects could only be detected as they gave token of existence by cries for sueeor and help. At
first all was confusion,' and men even
willing to render, asistance ran hither,
and thither, Apparently without aim
or object. But finally comparative order and some sort of dicipline was
brought about, and then the _ painful
and arduous labor of extricating the
sufferers was prosecuting to some purpose.
—At.San Francisco, April-2d, Wm. H.
Abell was put on examination, charged
with rape on a little girl aged eleven
years, who was taken by himself for
adoption from the Industrial School.
The spectators saw Abell fimabling at
his neck tie. Suddenly a cry of horror
arose from all parts of the Court room
as Abell now rope -in -*the dook with
his-l^e&drhalf severed from his body by
four slashes of a razor which he held
in his hand, the blood spirting ih all
directions. He died in a few minutes
without speaking.
sw
ALL  SORTS.
but
—The Fremont, (Iowa) Times says*
" The grsshoppers have hatched out
ihicker'fihan ever. The ground froze
last winter with no snow, but they
hatched, i The prairies were burned
over, but they warmed themselves by
the fire, and came out healthy. It
rained and they looked refreshed.
Wednesday, night-we had a snow storm-
that would have killed any common
critter, and Thursday morning we saw
the little cusses pelting each other
with4" snow-balls.
 Henry Strothoff poisoned himsolf,
in Pittsburg, on Friday night, because
he had sold his property for $5,000,
which some of his friends told him was
worth double the sum.
—Curses .come home' to roost,
not roosters to curse.
—He who assumes airs of importance exhibits his credentials of insignificance.
—You are a queer chicken I as the
hen said when she hatched out a.
duck.
—Why is a goose like' a cow's tail ?
Because they both grow down. .
•   —Advice to old bachelors  who   dye
their hair—" keep it dark.','
—Why is   early   grass   like   a   pen-1
knife ?   Because the spring  brings   out
the blades.
—When does an artist appear most
thoroughly miserable ? When he draws
a long face.
—The lap of luxury—a cat enjoying
her milk.
I —A Western editor, says that in
smoky Pittsbug men kiss each other's
wives, and are able to tell which is
their own only by the taste.
—Jo Clarke, of the Hays City Advertiser,- is as dry as one of his own
" chips." •
An inquisitive gentleman asking
him the other day in regard to the
manners and customs of the plains and .
Indians, said: *• Tpresume they (the*
Indians) live by raising corn, sir V*
"Raise—"said Jo, "they live ty raising, hair."   "Oh."
A man recently sued another for use
of room, lights, fuel, meals, &c, while
he was courting the plaintiff's daughter. Tho court, justly indignant at this
attempt to reduce courting to a matter
of dollars and cents, decided that there
was no cause of action.
—True wealth consists in virtue, and
not in the posession of great estates ;
and wisdom consists in understanding
and not in yeaas. The wisest of men is
he who has the most civility for others.
—" What a fine head your boy has 1'
said- an admiring friend. '* "Yes," said
the fond father, "he's a chip ofthe old
block ; ain't you, my sonny ?" "I guess
so; my teacher said I was a blockhead."
" Where are   you   going?"  asked a
little boy of another who had just  slipped and fallen on an ioy pavement.
.. "Going to get up," was the blunt   reply.
—One of the miseries of human life:
is being beaten in an argument and
afterwards thinking of some happy retort that would have completely annihilated your adversary.
-r-A paper gives the follwing reasons
for not publishing a poetio effusion :
"The rhythm sounds like pumpkins
rolling over a barn floor,' while some
lines appeared to have been measured
with a yard stick, and others with a
ten foot pole."
—A cleanly shaved gentleman inquired of a fair demoiselle, the other
day, whether or not she admired moustaches. "Oh!" replied the charmer,
with an arch look, "I invariably set my
face against them !" Very shortly afterwards his upper lip betrayed symptoms of careful cultivation.
—Query: Is a man who has made a
fool of himself to be considered a self-
made man ?
—Love's young dream often turns
out to be the nightmare.,
—It takes more than a. thousand
years for a sardine to grow up till he
becomes a whale.
—Like cures, like. Sulpha*-feomes
from Vesuvius, therefore it is good
for eruptions.
—As long: as the miser his money
chest is sure to be air tight.1   '
■—The funniest incident that has
lately transpired is the case of a doting
mother; who, being satisfied that her
child merited a flogging, first had him
placed under the influence of chloroform-:
" Which, my dear lady, do you think .
the merriest place in the world? "That
immediately above the atmosphere
that surrounds the earth. I should
think" "And why so?" " Because. I
am told that there all bodies, loose
their gravity.
—An early spring—jumping out of
bed at 5 o'clock in the morning.
—Here is an amended quotation, by a
married man who has been waiting for
his wife " to put her things on^'Hope
springs, eternal in the husband's
breastj Wives never are, but always to
bo dress'd.
—In Woonsooket, Massachusetts a
few nights since, just after' John B.
Burns and.haafamtly had retired, his
little son, six years of age, cried out
that something had fallen upon and
cut him. On going to his bedside, Mr.
Burns found the house eat lying upon
the boy's chest, with its teeth fastened
so firmly in his throat that it had to be
kicked seven or eight times before it
let loose.    It was immediately   killed.
—A telegram has been received at
Port Jervis from the General Superintendent, H, Riddle, to the effeet that
the report' of the conductor of the
sleeping car, who is now in New York,
, shows that there were twenty-three
passengers in the rear coach, which
was completely destroyed by fire. So
far as has been ascertained, but two
persons- escaped from this car, and the
remains of only six' have been recovered. This leaves fifteen of whom there
is no trace.
—Barbers and brokers are always
shaving. The former do it before peoples faces ■ the latter behind them.
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