The Sauk Centre Herald (Sauk Centre, Minnesota), 1868-05-21

              VOLUME I.
SAUK CENTRE, MINNESOTA, THURSDAY, MAY 21, 1868.
NUMBER 50.
5j m ■'.' &
PUBLISHED   EVERY   THURSDAY  M0RNIKO,
A.t   Hes-i^ Centre,   Minn.,
BY J. H. & S. SIMONTON.
fat- Office corner Third and Seventh streets,
one block west of the Saqk Centre House. '
Subscription i
TWO DOLLARS' A YEAR  IN ADVANCE.
Rates of Advertising!
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Legal advertisements 75 cents per square for
the first Insertion, and 3734 cents per square
lor each'subsequent insertion.
Special place advertisements inserted af
rates agreed upon.
■' Yearly advertisers to pay quarterly.
Strangers must pay in advance, or give satisfactory reference.
job pRiNTiira
of all kinds executed on short notice in the
besf sjyje. te&s*
Sauk Centre Cards.
IS". EC.  MINER,
Attorney   and   Counselor   at Law, Notary
Public and Conveyancer,
Will attend to any business pertaining to a
general Law Practice, make Collections and
promptly remit proceeds. Draft Conveyances
and Contracts, Enter Government Lands
With Cash or Warrants, make Pre-Emption
Claims and attend to Contested Land Cases.
1 Office over the Bast Office, Sauk Centre,
Minnesota.
f^HAS. WALKER,
Dealer in Real Estate,
Buying and Selling Land on Commission.
AGENT FOR THE jETNA FIRE INS. CO.
-mr Office over the Post Office, with N. H.
Miner. mar26tf
T)K. B. R. PALMER,
'   PHYSICIAN & SURGEON,
And Examining Surgeon for Pensions,
JtSf Residence near the Mill, Sauk Centre, "©ft
N.
H. MINER,
•»?( Insurance Agent,
ganlt^De'ntre,        -        -        Minnesota.
Represents the soundest* and most reliable
''■ Wire, Lite and Accident Insurance Companies of the Eastern and Western
States.   Office over the Post Office.
W. J. WHITEFIELD,   .
Houim, Sign, and Carriage
Graining, Glazing, Paper Hanging, &c, done
with neatness and oh reasonable terms.
Work warranted  equal in quality to that
agreed upon or no "charges made. "aSP-Palnt
Shoji ovetBedell A Hinman's Carriage Shop.
^EST   & TiiUMAN,
Builders and Contractors,
Office over E. E. West's Wagon Shop.
SAUK CENTRE, MINN.
Having had over 20 years   experience as
Practical Builders, we feel confident of giving satisfaction. WEST * TRUMAN.
Sauk Centre, April 15,1868. 45tf
JOHN CHRISTGAU,
Boot &. Shoe Maker,
Main Street, Sauk Centre, Minn.,
A complete stock of Boots and Shoes kept
•  constantly on hand, and made to order on
short notice.   Good fits warranted.
Repairing promptly done, at reasonable
prices.   All kinds of Shoemaker's Tools for
sale.          :    ■'."
C. L. ORCUTT,
HOUSE,    SIGN,    AND    CARRIAGE
P AINTEE,
Paper Hanger Grainer anij.Qlazier
Shop over TE. E. West's Wagon Shop,
SAUK CENTRE,       -        . ' ' '-      MINN.
All work done promptly and in the neatest
manner. • 6m42
SAUK CENTRE HOUSE,
. (General Stage Office,)
,SAUK CENTRE,.'    -       -      MINN
E. P. BARNUJ^, Proprietor,
Has been thoroughly refitted and furnished
.(throughout, under its new management.
.• Theoomfortbf guests will at all times be
made the special care of the proprietor, and
•ho expense of-pains will he spared to give
'-entire satisfaction to boarders and travelers.
i. E xc elle itt Stabling attached to the premises. . *E. T, BARNUM.4
AMERICAN HOUSE
X<A.IVI>   OFFICE
AND
Real   Estate Agency.
TanHoesen & Mitchell,
ALEXANDRIA, DOUGLAS  CO., MINN"A.
Buy and Sell Real Estate on Commission,**
Ray Takes for Non-Rasidents,-Select and Locate Government Lands Ibr others, with  .
CASH, SCRIP AND WARIIANTS,
Homestead and Pre-Emption Papers' made
out.
F. B. Van Hoksbn, Jas. S. Mitcbmca,.
Att'y at Law. •     41m6
St. Clofud Cards.
TlprX]PELHAM7^^
Surgeon   D-entist,
Permanently located in  St.   Cloud.    Office
Broker's^Block.
Edward O. Hamlin
—HAS BESUMED—
The Practice of Law
IN ST. CLOUD, MINN.
Special attention given  to proceedings in
Bankruptcy in United States Courts.
Office In Alden's brick building, up stairs
Oct. 1,1867. octl0-8m
H. L. SOBDOlf. I.. W. COLLINS.
Crordon  &;  Collins,
Attorneys.   <%f   Zaw,
St. Cloud, Stearns County, Minnesota
*5*~ Particular attention given to .business
in adjoining counties.   ••• -     .'•       - - ■ --- - .•
ILLIAM J. PARSONS, •;
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
Saint Germaine street, over Burbank Bros.,
St. Cloud, Minnesota.      '!• -j**?1*'.
Corner 2d and 6th Streets,
,S^UK CENTRE,    -   - Li -    MINN.
foils is a new, large and commodious building, fitted up tn the best style, with all the
•'necessqxjriconveniences for the comfartof!
guests. A large Barn, with warm and comfortable Stafbling is connected with the House.
Travelers will find at the American House
the best of accommodations for both man
"and beast.
DAVID FRANKHAUSE, Proprietor.
' CI DWARD DREBLOW,
Cabinet Maker,
Main street, near the Presbyterian Church,
Sauk Centre, Minnesota.
Keeps constantly on hand a complete stock
™ - • ofjPtu?niture''Coffins, Ae.
AH orders will receive prompt attention.
B
ILLIARD SALOON,
A. DE GROAT, Proprietor.
Third street, Sauk Centre, Minnesota.
_Has first class Phelan A Collender Billiard
.Tables.
Choice Wines, Liquors, Ale, Porter and
Cigars, .'jl4* . ri\* l
T   CHAMBERLIN,
GUNSMITH,
Shop on 2d Street, near the Amerioan House
SAUK CEKtTRE.
Guns, Pistols, &c, Repaired on short notice.
Parties in this rtpfier country will find it to
thete. advantage to get their work done at
home, and thereby save the extra expense of
sending to St. Cloud. Terms reasonable and
satisfaction warranted. ' apr!6
BANK Of JT. CLOUD
GENERAL   BANKING   AND   EXCHANGE   BUSINESS   TRANSIT'ACTEp.
Gold and Silver,
Land Warrants, College Scrip and Foreign
Exchange bought and sold, Particular Attention given to 'COLLECTIONS, and Proceeds Promptly Remitted. ■ ---A*'-T',-**
Office open from 9 to 12 A. M., and 1 to 5
r. M.
St. Germaine Street, St. Cloud, Minn;
J. G. SMITH, Cashier.
St. Cloud Jan. 30.1868.
'ITUiWlPH   SHffiNEMANN,
WATCHMAKER,
St. Germaine Street,
ST. CLOUD, - - - MINN.
\ GOOD assortment of Watches,'Clocks,
XX Jewelry, Silver and Plateel ware always
on had. Galvanizing done. Repairing neatly done and warranted for one year, i '■ ly
Alarge lot of Spectacles for sale.
f^lTY RESTAURANT.
JOSEPH GOYETTE, Proprietor,
Washington Avenue, St, Claud, Minnesota.
- A ladles' and gentlemen's Ice Cream Saloon has heen fitted up ln -first class stj-leon
the second floor. Ice cold''Lenionade,'and
Soda Water flavored with all kinds of syrups.
Fresh and Canned Fruits, Confectionery,
and Nuts of all kinds.
Hot Meals, Lunch, Coffee, Tea and Pastry
furnished to order.
LAVENIE M'CULLY & SISTER,
and Dress Makers.
STAMPING,'' HAIR SWITCHERS &c.
With a good assortment of
Millinery Goods,
Ladies' Cloths, Gloves.
Ae.,      Ae.,      Ae.      Ae.
All of the VERY LATEST STlTLfp.
Satisfaction guaranteed in every particular.
P. F. FERGUSON,
Watchmaker
AND
Jeweler,
^ SAUK CENTRE, MINN.
Watches,  Clocks and Jewelry  carefully repaired and warranted.
•8©- All work from a distance promptly atr
tended to and safely returned.
SAINT PAITL
Fire& Marine
INSURANCE GO.,
ST. PAUL, MINN."
Vpr s e tfulne n ■
Who can forget a loving word,
Tho' said In language plain ?
It sinks within the inmost heart,
' And is not sent in vain. I
Who can forget a loving glance,
A smile for us alone4* * r. •* T^-
Ah I these are what we love to get.
And prize them as our own'. ..   ,
Who can forget a parting kiss—
'-, The last fond lingering look ?
'Tis these that, after years have flown.
Are found in memory's book. " ' - ■
Yet there are some who can forget,
Whose memories never stray;
With whom" the present is enough—
The past has died away.
'Tis thus with some, yet I am glad
-Of such I know but few,
And may it ne'er be said,dear friend,
4 Of either 3. or you.
pigaptttj
BS»4
Assets oyer       $550,000.
Insures Buildings, Merchandise and other
Property, against Loss or Damage by FIRE,
at Rates as low as other first class Stock
Companies.
Particular attention given to Insurance of
" Farm  property; 'Isolated  Dwellings
and their Furniture, -
FOR ONE, THREE OR FIVE YEAR.
Also Inland Navigation Risks on Cargoes or
Freight.
BOARD OF DIRECTORS,
J. C. Burbank,
John L. Merriam,
W!*W. Eastman,
John S. Prince,
Horace Thompson,
Wm. Lee,
John Nichols,
[ Theo. Borup,
Peter Berkey
I W;*F. Davidson,
J W. P.Murray, •
(Geo. lit Farwell,
E. F.Drake.
J. C. BURBANK, Pres't. '
'.JOHN NICOLS, Vice Pres't.
8. S. EATON, Sec'y.
TV. A. WELLS, Gen'l Agent.
N. H. MUSTEK, Local Ag't.
SAUK CENTRE, MINN
MARK TWAIN'S  SECRETARYSJHIP,
From the Galaxy.
I am not a private Secretary to a Sen;
ator any more, now. I held the berth
two months" ih security and in great
cE.eei*fuIness of spirit, but my bread began to' fefurh from, over the waters,
then—-that'; is1 tp say4, my works came
back and revealed themselves. I judged
it best t(j fesign. Tbe in^ofit was
this. My employer sent for' nfe one
riiorning tolerably early, and as soon as
I had finished inserting some conundrums clandestinely into his last great
speech upon finance, I entered his presence, '.Chyjije wasTso'methirJg portentous
in Ms appearance. NHis cravat was i*m-
tied, his hair was in a state of disorder,
and bis countenance bore about it tne
signs of a suppressed storm. He held a
package of letters in : his tense grasp,
and I knew that' the dreaded Pacific
mail was .'in. '. He said:
"I'thought you were wojH^iy of confidence." i«# "Nif i
I.said: " Yes, sir."
f He said : "I gave you a letter from
certain of my constituents in the State
of Nevada, asking the establishment of
a post office at Baldwin's Ranch, and
told yQjj tp answer it, as ingeniously as
you could, with arguments "which'should
persuade them' that there was ' no real
necessity for an office at that place^TV'l
I felt easjey;' " _Qh, if that is all, -sir, I
did$ia.i. "■''■  ''    '"*' '■''■ !
"Yes, you did. I will read your answer, for your own humiliation:   ;
' ' V^ASfiNGTQif,' Jf ov.' 24, 1867.
'Messrs. {Smith, Jones and others:
' GrES-TLEMEN: What the lpischief do
you'suppose you want with a'post-office
at' Baluwiii's Banoh? i It ij/ould not do
you any good. " If any letters came tlierp,
you couldn'tread them, you know; and,
besides, such letters as ought to pass
through, 'faith money in them, for other
localities," would not' be likely to gel
througn, you': must perceiye at once ;
and that would make trouble for us all.
No, don't bother about a' post-office in
yote camp. I have your best interests
at heart, land feel that it would only be
an ornamental folly. What you want
is a nice jail, you know-^a nice, substantial jail and a free school. These will
be a lasting benefit to you. These will
make you really contented and happy.
I'^ill move in the matter at opce.
1 Very truly,'eto,
' Mark Twain,
' For James W. Nye, i9%8. Senator J
" That is the way you apswered that
letter. Those people asty they will hang
me if I ever enter that district again ;
and I am -perfectly satisfied that they
wUl, too."
" Well, sir, I did not know I was doing any. harm. I only wanted to con-
vin^e them." "W ut
"Ah. ' WeU, ypij dA convince them,
I make no manner of doulwl Now, here
js another specimen. I gave you a pe-
'ijtibp from certain gentlemen of Nevada, praying that* 1 'would get a; bill
through Congress incorporating the
Methodist Episcopal Church of the State
of Nevada. I told you to say, in reply,
that the creation of such a law came
more ISWgrly 'within" the province of
tlie State Legislature; and to endeavor
to show them that, in the present feebleness of the religious element in that
new commonwealth, 45Jj}ie expediency of
incorp<5rating the church was questionable.    What did you write ?
' Washington, Nov. 24,1867.
' Rev. John Halllfax and others;
' Genmemen : You will KfeTe to go t%
the State Legislature about that little
speculation of yours—Congress don't
know anything about religion. But
don't you hurry to go there, either; 'b-e'-'
cause this thing you propose to do out
in that new country isn't expedient—in
fact, it is simply ridiculous. Your religious people there ar3 tdo feeble; in intellect, in morality, in piety—in everything, pretty much. You h^jbtftfer
drop this—you can't niake: M "work.
You can't issue stock pn aji iSoo^piira-
tion like that—or if you'eould^it would
only keep you in trouftle'^ll the time.
The other denbmiiiatio&i would abuse
it, and " bear" it, and'^il it short,"
and break it down. They would do
with it just as they would wfth one of
your silv.w mines out there—they would
■try to make all the world believe it Was
f1 yijdcat." "i^ou ought hot to do anything that is calculated" to bring a sa-
!cred thing into disrepute. You ought,
to '=be' ashamed of yourselves—that is
what J think about it. You close your'
petition with the words : " And we will
ever pray." I think you had bett^-!--
you need to do it.
'Very truly, etc.,
' Mark Twain,
' For James W. Nye, U. S. Senator.
* That luminous epistle finishes me
with the religious element among my
<*?nstittr&«te. But that my political
murder>4£iSght he'4 made sure, some eril
instinct prompted me to hand you this
memorial from the grave company of
elders composing the Board of Ahier4-
men of the city of Franckoo, -to try
your hand upon-^a memorial praying
that the city's right to the "water-lots up-
fen the city front might be established
By law ef Congress. I told you this was
a dangerous matter to rnoye m. I told
you to write a non-com'inital • letter to
the Alderihfen—an ambiguous letter—a
letter that should avoid, aS fer as possible, all real consideration ahd discussion of the water-lot question. If there
is any feeling left in you—any shame-r
snrely thfa letter you wrote in obedience
to that order, ought to evokeit, when
its words fall upon your ears :
' Washington, Nov. 27, 1867.
' To the Hon: Board of Aldermen, etc.:
' Gentlemen : George Washington,
the severed Father of Ms Country, is
deacf pis long 'and brilliant career is
closed, alas I forever.' He yras greatly
respected in this section of the sou ntry,
apd his untimely decease cast a gloom
fiyer the jvhole community. He died
on the i4th'day of December, 17.99^ He
passed peacefully a^ay ftom* the scene
of his honors and his great achjevemenifs,
the most lamented hero and the beet
beloved that ever earth had yielded nit-
to death. At such a time as this, you
speak ot water-lots 1—what a lot -was
his. '    *1 "W*.
' What is fame ? Fame is an accident.
Sir Isaac Newton discovered an apple
falling to the ground—a trivial discovery, and one which a million "men had
made before him—-but bis parents were
influential, and so they tortured that
little circumstance into sortiethiiig' wonderful, and, lo I 'the simple 4#orid 'took
up the shout, and, iff almost the twinkling of an' eye, the man was famous.
;Treasure these thoughts.
4 •"'T'dfesy, sweet poesy,- who shall estimate 'what the world owes to thee!
Mary had a little lamb, its fleece was white
as snow—
And everywhere that Mary went, the lamb
was sure to go." - |<ii!
"Jack and GUI went up the Mil
To draw a pall of water:
Jack fell down and broke his crown,
And Gill came tumbling after."
For simplicty, elegance of diction, and
freedom from immoral tendencies, I regard these two poems in the light of
gems.   "They are suited, to all grades of
intelligence, to every sphere of life—to
the field, to the nursery, to the guild!
^Specially should no Board of aldermen be without them.
' Venerable fossils ! write again. Nothing improves one so much as friendly correspondence. Write again—and
if there is anything in this memorial of
-yours that refers to anything in partic-
| ulav, do not be backward about explaining it. We shall always be happy
to hear you chirp.
' Very truly, etc,,
Mark Twain*.
' For James W- Nye, U. S. Senator.'
'That js an atrocious, a ruinous epistle 1    Distraction I *
" Weill, sir, I am really sorry if there
is anything wrong about it—but—but—
it appears to me to dodge the water-lot
question."  •*'isH
'"Dodge the mischief! Oh !—but
nevermind. As long as destruction
must come now, let it be complete.
Let it be-complete—let this last of your
performances, which I .'am about to
read make a finality of it. I am a ruined man. "£ had my misgivings when
I gave you the' letter from Humboldt,
asking that the post route from Indian
Giilch to Shakespeare Gap and intermediate points be changed partly to
the old Mormon trail. But I told you
it was a delieate question, and warned
you to deal with it deftly—to answer it
dubiously, and leave them a little in
the dark. And your fatal imbecility
impelled you to make this disastrous
reply. I should think you would stop
your ears, if you are not dead to all
shahie : ' •>''■•
' Washington, Nov. |0, 1867.
' Messrs. Perkins, Wagner, efc dL't i''-'™l
'Gentlemen": It is a delicate question
about this Indian trail; but handled
with proper deftness1 and dubiousness,
I doubt not we shall Succeed in tome
measure or otherwise, because the place
where the route leaves - * the Lasseu
Meadows, over 'beyond where those two
Swanee chiefs, Dilapidated-Vengeance
and Bitey>epthe-Clouds, were scalped
last winter, this being the favorite direction! 'tp some, but others preferripg
something "else in consequence of
thingSifthe Mormon trail leaving Mos-
by's at three in the morning, and passing through Jaw.bone Flat to Blucher,
•jnd then down by Jug-Handle, the
road passing to the right of it, and naturally leaving it to the right, too, and
Dawsoti'-s-on the left-of the trail where
it passes to the left of said Dawson's,
and onward thence to Tomahawk, thus
making the route cheaper, easier of access to all who can get at it, and compassing all the desirable objects so considered by others,'and, therefore, conferring the most good- upon the greatest nunaber,' and, consequently, ^lf-am
encouraged to hope we shall. However,
I Shall be ready, and happy, iWaflford
you still further information upon the
subject, fyom time ba':time,"asy6tfmay
desire it, aijct. the' !Post Office Department be enabled to furnfsh'it to'me.'
iB-io ' Ve*y'.fpgitjjtfeVB.,   '
"^f-'J Mark Twai*.
' For James W-J^ye/JL S. Senator.'
"There—now,jphaCdo you think of
that?"' • *"'•■'Y'-' ' •••f i
" Well, I don't .know, sir. It—well,
it appears to rhe to be dubious enough."
Du—leave the house 1 I am a ruined
man.   Those Humboldt savages never
'will forgive me for tangling their brains
up with this inhuman letter. I hare
lost the respect of the Methodist Church,
the Board of Alderae-H-*'"''-'
i'-w Wfell, I haven't 'anything to say
about that, because I may hare missed
it a little in their cases, hut I was too
many fat the Baldwin's Ranch people,
General I" .-.,.-.
•"■f Leave tlie house I   Leave it forevej
and 'forever, too 1"
I regarded that as a sort of covert intimation that my services could be dispensed With, and so resigned. I never
will be a private Secretary to a Senator
again. You can't please that kind of
people. ' They don't know anything.
They can't appreciate a party's efforts.
Mari-: Twain.
THE BUMSELLER'S COXMANDBECT.
As Inscribed Upon tho Shining Decan.
ters Standing xtporst Ae Decorated
Shelves ln the Smoky Bar Room or
the Rumseller.
From the Olean (N. Yv^Tlmes,
I. I am the Lord, thy master, who has
decoyed thee from thy heme and family, and brought thee to degradation
and woe.
II. Thou sbalt have no other master
beside the Rumseller.
III. Thou*sh*alt hot-think to question
the quality of the liquors J shall turn
out for thee, either from the shining
bottles above or from the beer keg Below, or from the great tank under tbe
earth.   ' "''   "Jp*\
IV. Thou sbalt not talk with a Temperance man, whether he be a Son of
Temperance or a Good Templar; for I
am a jealous master, wearing the coat
that should be on thy back, pocketing
the money that should make thee and
thy wife happy all 'the days that thou
sh alt live.
V. Thou shalt not visit the grog shop
in vain, for the Rumseller thy master
will not hold him' guiltless that does
not spend his money at his shop.
vjV'Bemember1 the' Sabbath day, to
keep' it at my shop/ Six days shalt
thou labor, and get all the money thou
canst. But on the seventh day thou
shalt do ne work, but shall pay tby
money to the Rumseller, so that I and
my wife and children may live in fashion, idleness and prodigality all the
days ofour lives.
. VII. Honor the dram shops and the
gambling saloons that thy days may be
few and miserable. Thou shalt kill all
virtue and traduce all who are opposed
to Rum&elling,- -     «"'**Ji ■>
VIIL -Thou'.shalt steal all thou canst
from thy friends and thy neighbors,
and take from thy wife, the hard'earnings of her hands gotten at''thei needle,
Or at tbe side ofthe wash tub.    '' "''*"
IX. Thou shalt not hear witn£ss
agaihst the Rumseller when the Commissioner pf' Excise bring bus to the
ceufts: of justice, to suffer the penalty
for" the violation of the law.
X. Thou shalt not hearken to the
tender petitions of thy wife in tears,
nor fasten to 'the piteous cries of thy
children asking'for bread, Neither
sha'Jt thou go to a Temperance meeting,
nor heed tire kind entreaties of thy
neighbor when he pleads with thee to
forsake the poisonous cup.
■ And the thieves apd murderers, and
all the professional gamblers and horse
racers and all the workers of iniquity
say Amen,
SALTED HIS TEA.
A plucky rid fellow had a son who
was a student in one of our New England colleges', and one day thought he
would visit the institution. He did se,
spent the day there, and was invited to
stop to tea. He accepted the invitation, and upon receiving his - ration of
tine celestial fluid, reached out and
seized a howl ef what he supposed' to
be white siigarj but-which was in reality salt. With th:iV*<Ji3ndiment he proceeded to liberally season his' tea." Presently he perceived from the sly glances
toward him, and by the general jyhi's-
pering and suppressed "snickering,"
that something was wrong. He rightly
'conjectured it was some act of his ; and
when, upon Ms tasting the tea, the
"snicker"'extended into a "horse
laugh," he hadn't much doubt as to
what the matter was.
As I have before stated, the old gent
didn't like to be laughed at, especially
uya par'eri B*' sriSbw'boys, so1' with
Spartan resolution, he worried down
the abominable compound, wishing, no
doubt, that these boys could be made
to drink a quart each before going to
prayers in the morning. Giving a final
gulp, and putting on a face that was
intended to make everybody think that
he liked his " dose of salts," he called
for another cup, -ind upon receiving it,
said to the head snickerer: ""Young
man, will you be kind enough to pass
that bowl of salt ?" The salt was passed, and amid the niost breathless silence, he dipped a oOuple of spoonfuls
into his tea, stirred it up, ahd tasted it
-with-a   look of  apparent  satisfaction.
« Why, Mr. gj said the young man
opposite him, " do you drink salt in
your tea?" "Always," answered- the
plucky old man, with great emphasis,
and in his pleasantest manner.     ■<"■-■
g* . .    > . ; —7.        W.' *t  [Ml*   Uni*,      13
Kratsalatt's wife discovered her old
hen sitting in the back yard, and "bust
up^her nksti*- Soon aftep'tfee'-poor wife
came in much excited, aajd'saidiS" "My
dear Kratsalatt, I took -the eggs from
'Browne/ and she has gone ahdsat onto
an old" meafraxe." "Let1 her set4," -said
the billibus old'fellow, "if she sets on an
axe mayb© she'll4 hatchet 1 "■   -"••%   •*'   "•
A chap who was told by a'colporteur
to Temember Lo^'tj wife, replied that he
had trouble enough with his own without remembering other3ie»VTwes.
Couldn't Get the Right Flop.—In
the year 1843, during the.Millerite ex-
eifcement in"the usually quiet town of
Durham, old"Aunt.Sally H—^-|"4who
would " weigh i>igh on to two- hundred
pounds," got all ready to "go up," and
one evening in meeting, in the midst
of a warm season cf exhortation, she
arose and said ; >n. o -v .,,■•■ -.. •
" !' Oil','brethren and sisters, bless the
Lord! I'll soon get aivay • from thi.-i
wicked world ; "I'm goin3 to meet the
Lord in a few days. My faith is powerful strong it is ! So strong," continued
the old lady, extending -ilier arm's'arid
motioning them like a goose on the
wing, "that it does' seem as if I could
fly right away now and meet the Lord
In tbe air." rt ifhtwftf&'tl'
The minister, who was as great an enthusiast -oh 5'going up" as the old i'ady,
encouraged her by exclaiming :
■-! Try, sister, try !   Perhaps you can
fly," if your faith is only strong enough.'
" A\;eil, -I -can," she exclaimed, "I
know I can, and-1 will!"
She was ■ gtaiidipg ft par a window
which was raised hecSuse of the oppressive beat, frit it was summer. With
her handkerchief in one hand, and'her
fan in the other, she mounted' the seat,
and thence to tbe top of the pew, and
gave a leap into the air with'a flying
motion of her arms, expecting to ascend heavenward. But the law of
gravitation was too much for both'heil
faitb and the gravity of the audience;
Dowp she came with an enormous and
fib ''Very'4 angelic grunt, * shaking the
whole house with the concussion;
She arose,.folded her wings/and with
great meekness sneaked back into'the -
seat, evidently disappointed. '. j^i
The next evening some of theyoung
folks asked her.
" Aurit Sally, why didn't you fly last
night-iwhen -you tried so hard ?"
" I couldn't get the right flop on,"
was the meek and conclusive reply.
Great and Small.—A great and
learned'atheist once met a countryman
going to church.    He asked him :
*' Where are you going 7 "'
" I am going to church, sir," was the
reply*-'" £H'"N M
"What to do there!?-.o
" To worship God."
" Pray whether is your God a great
or a little God?" ."Hf'• ..
"He is both,-sir.-1'
" How caif'hesbe' both ?".
" He js ec gtfaii sir, that the heaven
of heavens cannot contain him, and se
fi«& that he can dwell in my poor
heart." '"   '"^ ' ''" *
• - The atheist declared that this, simple
answer of the poor countryman had
more eft'ect uponliis mind than all the
volumes" the learned doctors bad written upon the subject.
'-. We confeas we do not like to ; hear
scolding; we are at the opinion that
lyefy littie good, if any at all, and very
milch harm is effected by it. We can
heartily endorse the thoughts'-of the
quaint old Scot, Richard Taylor; he
says: " Of the thousand ways the wo-
"m'enifolks have of spoiling their doch-
ters, the worst to my-mind, is the end
less yammerin ahd yattefin,iand n&g-jigg-
in, for little or nothing. And, thewcirst
of. all is, these teuch-hearted auld folk
little think how their bitter words blister and crush a tender young spirit* I
mind myself the bursting heart I used
to have, even when man-muckle, when,
if I had sleepit an hour ower lang fe^a
morning, or left the young beasts I was
Hreafflihg get a rag o* fliergreen corn,, a
thrawn auld sorrow of a batchelor uncle
I had would parophesie the ill end such
sinful beginnings would come to.
When Ethan Allen was a prisoner in
Canada, he was dining-with a party of
officers and their ladies, and seeing some
small red peppers on the table, intended to be out up with the meat to season
it, he picked up one and put it into bis
mouth. After chewing awhile on the
tough:, skin, he picked it out of his
mouth, and looking rather admiringly
at it, said), the "tears .-"starting from his
eyes; "£•    ' ' >tv'if,,'
"Ladies and gentlemen, if you have
no objections, I wi^ put this little red
thing back," and he immediately suited
the action to the word.
Nothing annoys a man more than to
be eagerly questioned when he comes
home tired. Give him a neatly-served
dinner, or a pair of easy slippers and k
cup of tea, and let him eat and drink
in peace,~"and in time he will $eU you,
gf his own proper motion, all you wish
"toJaaOfc4. But if you begin the attack
too s^oft, t^e chances are that y***11 w^
be r-iwitrdeVj &y «ntly spoken monosyllables. . Put down that piece of wisdom
in your notebook, girlgfit will serve you
well some day.
A very little boy, after giving every?
body a good-night ki?s, kneeled -sat his
mother's side w'say his evening prayer,
he repeated "Now I lay me down to
sleep," Ac., and continued "God bless
papa and mamma,and make them'good
Christians, - God bless little Jitfami'e," and
make him a good- bov.^.-" -His mamma
adde«(f'fjod ble^ ^jnerybody." At this
last sentence he Was silent. His mother
repealled it a secfend, and a third . time,
wh>^ iu> faised ''his" head and said :-—
"Everybody but Bob, mamma. B^fc
drowned iny cat to-day."
—At a conqert given in Washington
by Ole Bull, in aid of the Lincoln Monument Association, the perform£ho!es
Were prefaced by •■ a prayer froljj' ttev.
Byron Sunderland, which the audience
liked* So well, that they rewarded him
at its close with a hearty round of" applause.
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